I don’t know how old you are, or where his daughter and her mother live, but five years is a long time to invest in a relationship that isn’t more solid and I think you’re coming to a crossroads. Your concerns about his dishonesty are very valid — and no, you’re [i]definitely[/i] not overreacting. The problem you’re reporting is his possible infidelity — staying at his ex’s house to see his daughter — and her. But the bigger problem is his not getting his ducks in a row to be an available, ready to commit, single guy! A guy who’s ready to be with someone else gets divorced and gets a custody order so he has legal rights to see his child that are enforceable. By not getting a court ordered custody schedule, he’s stayed engaged with his ex. A custody schedule would make it impossible for her to blackmail him with his daughter’s visitation and it would be one less place for him to lie to you and for the two of you to get into disagreements. In addition it would give he and his daughter a consistent schedule of visits so he can be a responsible and influential presence in her life.
It’s time for you to realize that he isn’t interested in being honest with you and he isn’t interested in getting married — if he was, you’d see different behavior from him by now.
I’m sorry this is hard for you, but I hope that next time you fall instantly in love, you’ll stop yourself and get to know him and his values better so you don’t get too involved with someone who isn’t Mr. RIght. 😳
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April Masini, your AskApril