AnonymousI did as you said and created a profile here! Thank you.
Anyways, obviously there are always going to be 2 sides to the story, and each will have more detail for why things are done. However I intend to see that the facts on this are correct. There were never any guys in my life. I have a guy friend who I went to to finally cry and talk after I found out about the lies and pact with my best friend. It shook me to my core. My best friend had said awful things about me to him (bf) which he now only told me about as of 1 week ago. So, she was no longer my best friend, my boyfriend was a liar and was capable of that stuff and I was about 4 weeks pregnant. (We chose to not have it) My world was crumbling. I moved to this big city and had no one to vent to, to cry to…so I called a guy who is my friend, great listener and gives no judgment. I finally broke down and cried and said everything. I shared my personal relationship to him that normally I would never do. I DO NOT bring my relationship baggage to public, ever, especially to another guy. It is wrong to me to vent to another sex about my BF issues. I feel like it creates a world eventually to cheat.
Anyways, I was alone and vented. May I remind you while I was pregnant I was slowly being turned off by my BF by the lack of interest in providing and getting ready for a child as I was. I started resenting him. In turn everything irritated me and I was a hormonal pregnant person to say the least! I was upset that I was having a baby with a man I did not respect, trust or build a life with. We both decided not having the baby was best for the baby. However, the surgery had injured me and I was in the hospital for a week. Everyday my bf was there but later I come to find out as he was there he was on his phone looking up and saving photos to his phone of girls he liked prior to me…….YEP…as I was in the hospital.
After that we decided to see a therapist but to my dismay the therapist was about 30, female and gorgeous….I was uncomfortable. I stopped going. At this point I was insecure (because of the photos), unsupported, couldn’t trust anyone that meant a lot to me. I was alone in this city stuck living with my bf whom I did not trust. Since day 1 of meeting him he has always deleted everything, every text, email, everything. I did not trust the behavior. So I decided to get access in to his Gmail account to check the activity to build some sort of security with seeing no bad things after a while. However I found a way to track his searches. I also found a way to see the texts on his phone that were deleted. I felt searching was the only truth I would get. I no longer believed his words and only went off of his actions online. Of course I found some alarming searches online and some texts that did not match the stories he was telling. So the nose on Pinocchio grew even bigger.
Now here I am, in a new city, no friends to turn to here, turned off by men because of my bf and just don’t know what to do. Everything in my body says to leave him because I know that when you find the right person you don’t do what he was doing as well as not believing him or having the security anymore. Those are all big things to me. I also wonder why when my “best friend” was talking crap about me to him why he did not stand for me and be my protector. I beg for him to let me go, let me leave, take a break but he does not do so….it will take me to change my number and block him to get him out. I am tired of waking up everyday feeling not good enough, insecure, unwanted, walked all over, made for a fool, embarrassed.
Why do I hang on…even a little? Am I sick?
