"April Masini answers questions no one else can and tells you the truth that no one else will."

Re: is it over?

#18528

Some people are ready for marriage in their 20s and some, not until they’re 40 or even 50. The age difference is less of an issue than an incompatibility — which is what you two have had. He’s been ready to get married in his early to mid-20s, and you’re not. There is no right or wrong in either one of your thinking, but he’s looking for a Mrs. and you’re not ready to be that woman he wants.

This doesn’t mean there isn’t love and that there wasn’t good intention — it just means he wants a wife and you don’t want to be a wife. So he’s moving on. The way he did it is really neither here nor there. You can dissect his behavior and try to find clues that you were “right” and he was “wrong” or that he said one thing and did another, but the bottom line is that he’s done and he’s getting out of the relationship with you so he can find someone compatible.

I know you want closure, but he doesn’t. Accept what’s happened and view it as a gift. Rejection helps guide us towards those who are right for us. When we’re lucky enough to find someone who says, you’re not for me, rather than get upset, be happy you’re not going to waste time with someone who will never be what you want and who will never find in you what he wants.

So, yes, move on, and forget looking for closure from him. Use what you’ve learned from this relationship to date at a higher level (meaning more compatibility) next time around.

I hope that helps.

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