April Masini, your AskAprilYou ask me if she’s lying, and I don’t really know, but you said that you think she is lying, so you probably already know the answer. The question is, what is she lying about? She may be lying about why she didn’t call you after she cancelled the barbeque, but I don’t think she’s lying about being happy to see you. Sometimes people are lazy about canceling and then embarrassed later, so they lie to make themselves appear to be not lazy. It’s not great character, but it’s normal. She didn’t lie about the stress she was under when you went on that first date, and now you know more about that. And it sounds like she’s taking steps to alleviate the stress so she can be more available to have a relationship. So if she is lying, I don’t think she’s lying about everything. And she may not be lying at all.
Then you asked me if you’re a pessimist, but you also told me that you are! So maybe these aren’t the real questions.
I think the real question you want to ask is: Will I get rejected again if I ask her out? The answer is maybe yes, maybe no. But dating is about risking rejecting and taking hits in the interest of finding that really great person who is a wonderful partner for you. You have to get up to bat in order to be able to even consider getting a home run. Most home run hitters strike out a lot, but what’s remembered about them are those grand slams, not the strike outs. And when you are rejected, you should be glad to not be wasting your time with someone who isn’t right for you. Rejection can actually be a gift if you look at it in the bigger picture of life.
So if this makes sense to you, and it’s not too much stress for you, I’d recommend you go for it again. Call her up, ask her out, and take her on a date. See how the second one goes, and then you decide how you want to proceed from there.
