[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re not a child, so stop acting like one. 😳 It’s not him you’re mad at — it’s yourself! And he’s not really to blame at all. You are. So recognize your part in choosing someone you couldn’t change, and decide what about yourself you can change so that your life is less stressful.

You’re doing the same thing with your own lives that you did with him — expecting the world to bend to meet your needs. It’s impossible to be full time students, work on the side, have a three year old and another on the way, and not have the chaos you have in your lives. Something has to give, so rather than be the victim of that implosion to come, YOU decide to take something off your plate. Here are some suggestions:

1. He quits being a full time student and instead gets a full time job. He has two children to support. This isn’t the time to have a job on the side. It’s the time to have his education on the side. Same for you. (When you get out from under your current stresses, consider going back to school part time to finish your degree programs — but only after you’re not so angry and stressed.)

2. Sell the television if you can’t stop watching and spend the proceeds on a gym membership.

3. Give the dog to a friend, neighbor or a shelter. The $5000 you spent on the dog should be going towards your children, not pets. Priorities are important in life. Be an example to your kids by making tough choices for the right reasons. In fact, you could afford a housekeeper once a week for the price of your vet bills.

4. Stop making excuses about eating junk food. Because “he likes it” is not good enough. You’ll save a lot of money, feel fitter and be a better parent if you buy and serve healthy food instead of processed food that has no nutritional value.

Do those four things and your life — and your relationship — will improve by leaps and bounds. I promise.

I hope that helps and that you let me know how things go.

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