[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s definitely not the norm to have sex once a month at your age, but what’s interesting is that you write that it’s been like this for the three years you’ve been dating. It sounds like you’re ready to make a commitment to her — except for this issue, which is holding you back. Otherwise, I’d ask, why is this a problem now?

Since I surmise that you’ve played a part, if only by defaulting to this status quo, in your sex starved relationship, it’s time for you to step up to the plate and pitch in to make a change. Talking to her is probably going to put her on the defensive and create conflict. My suggestion is that you start creating scenarios where she may feel more conducive to relaxing (yes, stress kills libido!) and having sex with you.

Lots of times couples slack off in the romance and sex departments. It’s time to roll up your sleeves and set the stage! I’d advise you read Romantic Date Ideas, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/romantic-date-ideas.html[/url], a book I wrote with specific creative scenarios you can use and riff on to get the spark in the bedroom. In addition, you can amp up your romantic self, and take her away for a night or a weekend to get more intimate and private together. Send her flowers or a single rose. Let her know you find her sexy and want her. In other words, BE the guy who wants to take her to bed so she knows how sexy you are.

Let me know if that works, and what you think of the book — specifically, which scenarios and tricks work for you two.

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