[Fridaykaye26]

Yes, April, your insight and advice make sense. It seems quite simple the way you put it, but I thought the worst, thought he was actually hating me! Indeed it is certain things about me that he cannot tolerate which brings us to another issue we’ve been having.

In the past, at the begining of our relationship, I did some things that he interpreted as sneaky and wrong that need be forgiven. I once told him (in an effort to be truthful) about a flirty conversation I had a bar, lasting no more than five minutes. In addition to that but well after, I received an email out-of-the-blue from a guy I had dated briefly. When we dated I was totally out of control, had a substance abuse problem, and had a dead end job with no aspirations. Since then I was totally sober and clean, gotten my life together, enrolled back in school, and was in-love with my boyfriend. I was proud of the change in me and wanted to communicate this with one who knew me as I was before, so I replied back. It was harmless and I did not delete the email afterwards in another effort to be truthful. But when my boyfriend came across it, my plan back-fired and he interpreted the message as yet another sneaky and wrong thing.

These events happened well over a year ago, but he still brings them up every single time we argue. He says I’m forgiven them, but still brings them up adversly! I believed that he hadn’t truely forgiven me and was intentionally torturing me, but a friend of mine told me that he is doing this because he has no valid defense for the things we argue over, so he is deflecting blame back on me. Of course it’s no surprise that anytime he messes up and knows he was wrong, he points the finger back at me. Truth is- I like my friends idea better than mine=)

Going back to the advice you previously gave me, I have tried dating men that were of closer compatability such as men who had much of the same experience I’ve had and men with similar backgrounds/childhoods. These past relationships DID NOT WORK and only caused me to take steps backwards. I was a miserable, lost individual finding other miserable, lost men to accompany me. My experiences with them got me nowhere, only allowed me to appreciate the goodness in my current boyfriend. He is so good to me in so many ways which is why I’m here, discussing our issues, asking advice, and searching for answers to hold onto him.