April Masini, your AskAprilIt’s not fair for your friend to ask you for advice, then you ask me for the advice to tell your friend to tell his girlfriend — the possibilities for miscommunication in this whisper down the lane chain are exponential. Again, I’m more than happy to reply directly to your friend to try and help him directly and to prevent any miscommunications that may arise otherwise.
But I think what you reacted most strongly to in my advice was the possibility that you were intruding in your friend’s relationship. I’m sure you don’t see it that way, and even though you say your friend is the age of your nephew, he’s still an adult, and he’s having an adult relationship with his girlfriend. It’s okay for him to ask for advice or help, but when third parties (and fourth parties!) start getting involved, the private relationship is suddenly fodder for gossip, rumor and innuendo.
You may be very close to him right now, but if his girlfriend feels betrayed by his going to you for advice, and you coming to me, then that feeling of betrayal is very important. Even though you have certain ideas of what your relationship with your friend is, his girlfriend may have her own feelings, and they need to be honored — especially if your friend wants to make things work with her.
Again, I’m sorry you are upset.
