[April Masini, your AskApril]

If your boyfriend travels for a living, and he just happens to be traveling to the city where his soon to be ex-girlfriend lives, then it makes sense that he would want to break up face to face. If you trust this guy, then his breaking up in person is a gentlemanly way to end things. Remember the episode of Sex and The City where one of the girls got broken up with by a post it note? It seemed like the ultimate insult that the boyfriend couldn’t even break up on the phone. Clearly, breaking up in person is the best mannered way to do things. It brings closure and finality and is respectful of the other person and the relationship.

That said, closure and finality is what he should be looking for in a break up. Spending the night at her house after he breaks up with her and wanting your approval is manipulative and disrespectful of you. Spending a few days at her house after the break up really makes the breakup seem like a charade. Going out with her “as friends” immediately after the break up sounds like reconciliation to me.

I think your boyfriend wants his cake and to eat it, too. In other words, he wants you and he wants her. And your discomfort with his attitude is right on. You don’t really need my advice — you already know what to do. You just want me to say what you’re thinking! And luckily, I’m happy to do that.

Don’t fight with him, but tell him that as long as he is going to be spending the night or going out as friends with his long distance maybe ex-girlfriend, you’re not interested in giving him your heart or your time. Give him the choice, let him make decide, and then act appropriately, meaning, if he has to see her and you, he doesn’t get you. Period.