I haven’t read all of this thread, but I’ve read enough to throw in my 2 cents. This is coming from a confident-in-all-things-other-than-dating young woman who’s been the object of a few “nice guy” infatuations — but I’ve never had a boyfriend. I turn down these “nice guys” faster than the few players that have seemed interested, too… However, the guys that I’VE fallen for have likewise been “nice guys.” They are polite, respectable, and amazingly respectful. The difference between the guys I like and the guys I run as far away from as fast as I can basically comes down to a few key things. The guys I’m attracted to are men I can respect; they know what they want in their lives (as in jobs, what they are looking for in relationships, etc.). They know how to make things happen — if they are unhappy with the situation they are in, they look for ways to change it and act on these things when appropriate. That being said, they are usually also able to make themselves happy in almost any situation — their happiness isn’t dependent on the “perfect” job, or wrapped up in having a girlfriend. These are the qualities that separate them from the “nice guys” that I can’t stand to be around, certainly not in a relationship context. It’s not necessarily the “fawning” — the amount of attention is probably equal between the “players” and the ultra “nice guys” — but I need a guy that not only pays me attention (to a certain extent) but knows what he wants and can handle me being stubborn, independent, and confident, too. A man that I know I can rely on to tell me when I’m wrong, who can accept me as his equal and who I can also accept as my equal. A man that I can have a disagreement with and not be too terribly worried that I didn’t break the poor guy’s spirit just by raising my voice if it happens (my upbringing included a lot of yelling — while I’m working on having more healthy communication, I’m not going to promise that it won’t slip out). I need a strong guy…a strong nice guy. There is a difference.
JMG