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April Masini, your AskApril.
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August 23, 2012 at 11:01 am #5555
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Member #167,790I have a very complicated situation… The Backstory:
I’m a 30 y.o woman: I have no kids. I’ve never been married. I have a good job. Never any legal, substance troubles. What I have been very unlucky in is love. I’ve had a lot of boyfriends. I’ve lived w/3 of them…the last one being about 2 years ago. I have been seeing my current bf for nearly a year & he’s wonderful. He truly is different from the others & I can see myself marrying him someday. He lives 40 mins away from me currently & he just recently gave me a promise ring & wants me to move in. He has a more long term, stedy job than I do so I would have to find another job (b/c he’s an hr & 10 mins from my job) when I do move in w/him (which I’m fine w/b/c even though my job is good…I kinda hate it & want to do something else anyway).Currently, I live w/my mom & sister. We lost my step-dad 2 years ago & my sister has high functioning Autism. My mom has been difficult during the time w/my bf. She has not “allowed” me to stay all night except for when he & I went to a concert w/my best friend (that also stayed too) & a weekend out of town that we took 2 mos ago. Even w/those instances, I was called every name in the book for letting him “get the milk for free”.
When I got the promise ring, my mom said “Oh, that’s nice…hope that doesn’t mean you are moving out…b/c there will be h3ll to pay…I won’t be nice about it.” Along with “He hasn’t proven to me that he’s worthy”. So, basically, she insist that we must be engaged before we live together…& when we do, I have to be no further than 15 mins away from her b/c of the relationship w/my sister.
I feel like if I am defiant, she will not only reak havick, but she & my sister will no longer be a part of my life (& I don’t want that). I want a happy, normal adult life. I don’t even feel like I’m an adult. I’m so excited I finally met a good man that is serious about me, but all of these demands are hurting him b/c he’s not ready for an engagement yet…we want to try living together 1st…& that’s what I want as well.
August 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm #23680Your life is not complicated. 😉 You’re 30 years old and living with your mother.
😕 Time to move out and live independently.🙂 You can’t control your mother and she can’t control you, so stop trying. I know you want what you want when you want it, but that’s not how life works. If your mother won’t see you because you’re living on your own, then you have a mother with a problem, and it’s hard to have a relationship with anyone who has that type of problem. So be realistic about what you’re dealing with.
Whether or not you move in with your boyfriend, you shouldn’t be living at your mom’s house any more at your age without some really good reason. (Which I haven’t heard.)
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter[i]@AskAprilcom[/i] [/b] August 24, 2012 at 1:11 am #24971Member #167,790Thank you for responding; I really needed an outside source to give it to me straight. Now the hard part…how do I even tell her? Any ideas? The easiest way…
August 24, 2012 at 2:13 pm #25210The best way to do this is to be direct and kind. 🙂 You can say, “I have great news! I’m moving out on September 15. I’ve found a place and I’m really looking forward to living on my own (or with my boyfriend). Let’s have a launch dinner for me the week before I leave so we can all celebrate my new place — my treat at xxx restaurant!” Or, “I’m having a house warming party the second week I’m in my new place — and I’d love you to come. I’ll get you the time and date as soon as I know it.”Keep it positive. No bargaining allowed. And then do it.
Understand you’re going to get some “lip”, but just disengage and focus on being healthy.
[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter[i]@AskAprilcom[/i] [/b] -
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