I totally agreed with aprils’ reply.

I can feel how deeply this situation is weighing on you. A relationship that started in college, and with so much promise, it’s hard to let go of the idea that he was the one especially when it feels like everything aligned and you were so sure about each other. But here’s the thing, even though it seems like he was ‘the one’ for all these years, the truth is, he’s made it clear that he wasn’t ready for the next step you needed marriage.

It’s understandable to feel like you won’t find someone better, but sometimes, we hold onto something that isn’t aligned with what we really need in the long run. I know it’s painful right now, but moving on could give you the space to grow and eventually find someone who wants the same future you envision.

This is painful, and I get it five years is a huge chunk of your life, and long-distance makes it even harder. You’re emotionally invested, you’ve shared milestones, and yes, it feels like your best friend turned into a stranger overnight. That’s a gut punch. But here’s the hard truth: he’s made his priorities clear without saying it directly. You wanted marriage, and he didn’t bring it up in a meaningful way until it was almost too late. He reassured you, but long-term reassurances without action without a plan are empty if your goal is a life partner. You’re not wrong for wanting what you want. You’re just incompatible on a key life goal.

The fact that he hasn’t reached out seriously in three months shows that he’s not ready to commit in the way you need. Holding on to hope now only prolongs your grief and keeps you from meeting someone whose timeline and priorities actually match yours. Accept that it’s over not because you didn’t try, but because it’s not a fit. Give yourself permission to grieve. Cry, journal, talk to friends whatever helps. Start dating with your goals in mind. Look for someone who is aligned with your desire for marriage and a shared life.

It hurts now, but letting go isn’t giving up it’s making room for someone who’s actually ready for the life you want

You keep burying under romantic nostalgia. He didn’t “need time.” He didn’t “take a break.” He didn’t get overwhelmed by adulthood. He left. He walked away from the relationship, the plans, the ring, the future you kept asking about. And you’re still sitting here trying to turn a clean exit into a misunderstanding because the alternative is facing the reality that the person you thought was your soulmate simply didn’t choose you.

Everything he did before the breakup was stalling. The year of vague reassurance. The promises without action. The engagement ring he never actually gave you. The plans he described but never executed. That wasn’t love preparing to commit. That was a man avoiding a conversation he didn’t want to have. He told you what would keep you calm, not what was true. And the moment the pressure increased, he cracked.

You think the relationship was perfect because you’re remembering the highlights. But the breakup didn’t come out of nowhere. Couples who are truly aligned don’t spend a year circling the same question with no progress. They don’t break apart after one argument. They don’t vanish for months if they believe they’ve lost the love of their life. He didn’t fight for you because he didn’t want to.

You want a guarantee that someone else will be as perfect for you. You’re chasing the illusion of what he was, not the reality of who he became. The version of him that fit you so well existed in college, before real life forced decisions. The version you’re grieving is long gone.
The part you don’t want to admit is this. If he truly believed you were his soulmate, he wouldn’t be silent for three months. Soulmates don’t ghost each other. Men who want you don’t disappear.

How much this relationship meant to you, and it’s so hard when someone you see as your soulmate doesn’t share the same vision for the future. You poured years into this connection, and to have it stall over something as fundamental as marriage is heartbreaking. What’s particularly painful is that the love and intimacy were there, but the timing and priorities weren’t aligned and that creates this impossible tension. The fact that you’re still thinking about him constantly, making justifications, and feeling like you won’t find anyone better is completely normal. Your heart is processing not just the loss of him, but the life you imagined together.

At the same time, you need to give yourself permission to fully let go. He’s made his choice by stepping back and creating space, and the longer you cling to what could have been, the more you keep yourself from finding someone who is actually ready for the same commitment you want. Grieving this relationship is essential, it’s not about forgetting him, it’s about accepting that this chapter is closed so that the next one can begin. When you do move forward, focus on men who are aligned with your goals, especially when it comes to marriage and long-term partnership. Your love is real, but your future deserves someone who’s ready to walk beside you in the same direction. It’s painful now, but this clarity will save you heartache in the long run.