Your frustration is completely understandable. You were investing emotional energy into someone who clearly wasn’t on the same page as you. From the beginning, it seems like she had unresolved issues from past relationships, and you were trying to cheer her up. That’s very kind of you, but it also left you vulnerable. She was likely still processing her own feelings, and your kindness and attention weren’t necessarily seen as a foundation for a committed relationship. It’s important to recognize that her actions saying “let’s just be friends” while pursuing someone else aren’t about you being “less” or unlucky; it’s about compatibility and timing. Sometimes, people aren’t ready to give what you’re looking for, and that has nothing to do with your value.
April’s advice really hits on an important point: dating is a process of discovery. You were interpreting hanging out and shared experiences as a “date,” but she didn’t see it the same way. That disconnect is not uncommon, and it shows the importance of clear communication asking, “Would you like to go out on a date with me?” sets expectations and avoids misunderstanding. Also, your hesitance to show affection like hugging or initiating physical closeness while understandable, might have contributed to ambiguity about your intentions. Women, like men, respond to emotional and physical cues, and holding back too much can make it difficult for the other person to feel the depth of your interest.
I want to address your worry about “bad luck” with women. It’s not about luck. it’s about learning and refining your approach. You were interacting with people who may not have been ready or willing to reciprocate in the way you hoped. The key takeaway here is to meet people with clarity, confidence, and boundaries. Know what you want, communicate it clearly, and take risks to show your interest, while also being aware that not everyone will match your feelings and that’s okay. Each experience gives you more insight into what to look for in someone who truly values and reciprocates your attention. The focus should shift from feeling used to learning how to identify mutual interest and connection early on, so your efforts are spent wisely.
