[Anonymous]

I am in need of some female insight here.

My situation:

I have been spending time with a girl for about a year now. She knows exactly how I feel about her and what my expectations are in terms of wanting a relationship. She calls me everyday and wants to hang out every single day.

She and I have slept together but very rarely. Last summer when we would get intimate, we would stop because she would start crying. She never liked me to touch her affectionately and often pointed out that we were not a couple.

Last December after spending about 6 months together she texted me and told me that she wanted nothing to do with me and we didn’t speak until the end of February when she called me out of no where and told me she wanted to try a relationship and that she acted the way she did because she wasn’t used to a man being so nice to her and that she was afraid to get hurt and that she was falling in love with me. She told me that she wanted to take it very slowly and affection made her uncomfortable. I told her I was willing to be patient.

So here we are at the end of may and she wants me to sleep over her house everyday, her family absolutely adores me, we take weekend trips together, she is planning several week trips togather, but she recently told me she changed her mind and doesn’t want to be my girlfriend and didn’t want a relationship.

The thing that is confusing to me is that she is still planning trips, asking to come to family functions to meet my extended family, wants me to sleep over still, and is spending more time with my immidiate family than before. She continues to say she doesn’t want to be with me but yet continues to do everything that couples do. I am very clear to her that I want a relationship and I feel that if she knows that and didn’t want the same she wouldn’t continue to do all these things.

I want to just wait it out and see if she comes to. We have so much fun together and I look forward to seeing and hearing from her daily. The thing is that I don’t want to spend the next year of my life waiting and possibly passing on someone that could be the one if in the end she decides she will never want to be in the relationship. I don’t want anyone else and she knows that. I’m
just so confused because she tells me one thing and does something completely different.

What is your take? should I wait this out?

[Anonymous]

Just to add a bit more….

She told me that she had problems with being affectionate and that she was working on it. Prior to her telling me she no longer wanted to be in a relationship, I was getting on her case about it and making a big deal.

While she was drunk on several occasions, she would tell me how much she loved me and wanted to be with me. She told her family memers that she could see herself with me for the rest of her life ( mid twenties).
She would sing lovey dovey kareoke songs to me.

We got into an argument for the first time and after about 8 hours of bickering and me telling her she wasn’t trying hard enough to be affectionate, she said it wasn’t going to work and that is how she remains.

The argument wasn’t Terrible and there was no yelling. More like both of us annoying one another. The argument also tool place the day after she went out with her girlfriends for the first time in months and she feels I was mad at her for going out. This was not the case at all but very poor timing.

[Ask April Masini]

The concern you raise in your first post about missing out on Ms. Right because you’re waiting for this on again off again girlfriend to figure out her problems, is valid. 😕 Why should you put up with someone who abruptly leaves you, then abruptly comes back into your life? I can’t think of a good reason. She is confusing you because she is confused, and the confusion is her problem that you can’t help her with.

Sometimes women (and men) just aren’t ready for a serious relationship. What you describe here makes me think she’s not ready for a relationship in the same way you are. It’s great that the two of you have fun most of the time when you’re together, but I think you should consider dating other women at the same time or instead of this one until she gets her act together. You may find that that Ms. Right is someone other than the one you’re with. 🙂

I hope that helps, and if you want more AskApril, check out my new Facebook Group at the following link: [url][/url]. You can post, read and get more of my advice and comments!

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