[Maeleneforever]

My husband passed away in August due to suicide. He had PTSD and drug problems. He was a veteran. 2 months later I met a man named Chris through tinder. We started dating right away. He has an anger problem and when we argue he calls me names. I’ve broken up with him over this a couple times and each time he threatens suicide when I leave him
He’s in the process of seeking help from the VA (he’s also a veteran and has PTSD). He tries to cut himself and yesterday he threatened to take pills. I’ve told him how stressful this makes me feel since my husband passed and its not a healthy relationship for me. On the plus side He’s very loving, and affectionate . we have good times and for the most part we get along . he craves lots of attention and he can be very insecure about me and has trust issues even though I give him no reason to feel this way. I feel we can have a great relationship. He wants to marry me but if we marry I lose my widow benefits. He’s on disability income and is in the process of getting an increase soon. I do love and care for him and I’m not sure how to go about this if I should even keep sticking around hoping for change or cut my losses. Any advice please?

[Ask April Masini]

I’m very sorry about your husband. What a sad story. 🙁 Because his recent death was so traumatic — for both you and your child, my advice is to slow things down with your social life. You met this guy only two months after your husband died and you’ve only been dating him for three months and already issues like this guy’s suicidal tendencies as well as marriage are coming up. Slow down. Consider taking a year to heal from the aftermath of your husband’s death. Then, play the field. Don’t jump into anything. You’ve been through so much it will be easy to make decisions now that you might regret later. So after a year of healing, use this timetable: The first three months of dating anyone should be used simply to get to know each other and to decide if you want to continue dating. If you do, use the second three months to decide if you want monogamy. And don’t make any big decisions, like moving in together or getting engaged, for the first year. This may seem like it’s slow as molasses, but you’ll be focusing on getting to know each other over that time period and you’ll be less likely to jump into something that’s a mistake.

As for this guy, he’s suicidal and he needs help you can’t give him. Therefore, you need to take his threats to commit suicide seriously. Reach out for help — call his family, a hospital, your doctor, a fire department on an emergency operator and tell them when he threatens suicide. You have to take this seriously — for your health and his. Report his suicide attempts today — and take a dating break for a year. Just nurture your child and yourself. You deserve some peace and nurturing. Take it.

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you’ve already lived through one heartbreak no one should have to survive, and now you’re carrying someone else’s pain like it’s your job. 💔 let the VA and professionals handle his crises, not you. you’ve done enough saving for one lifetime. choose peace. your heart deserves rest, not rescue missions. 🕯️

[Ethan Morales]

That’s one of the hardest situations someone can be in grieving, trying to rebuild, and then finding yourself pulled into another painful, unstable relationship. Here’s how April Masini’s advice breaks down and what it really means for you:

You’ve been through deep trauma don’t rush your heart. Losing your husband to suicide is a profound emotional wound. Two months later, your heart was still raw, and it makes sense that you wanted closeness and comfort. But emotionally, it’s too soon to carry someone else’s pain while you’re still processing your own. Masini’s suggestion to pause dating for a year isn’t about punishment it’s about giving you space to heal and regain balance before opening yourself to another intense relationship.

His suicidal threats are not love they’re emotional manipulation (even if unintentional). When someone says they’ll hurt themselves if you leave, it puts you in a terrible position it traps you in guilt. But you can’t be responsible for his safety. He needs professional help, not your constant emotional rescue. The right step is to call emergency services or the VA crisis line when he makes those threats. That’s not betrayal that’s protecting both of you.

He’s not emotionally ready for a healthy relationship either. He has PTSD, anger issues, and dependency problems. Those don’t make him a bad person but they mean he’s not stable enough to be a partner right now. His behavior name-calling, self-harm threats, insecurity shows that he’s struggling to regulate his emotions. Until he’s consistently in treatment and showing real progress, the relationship will stay unstable and unsafe for you.

Love isn’t enough when safety and stability are missing. You say he’s loving and affectionate and that’s real. But the good moments can’t erase the fact that you’re living in fear and stress. Love should feel safe, not like walking on eggshells. You don’t owe him marriage, commitment, or financial sacrifice while he’s in crisis. You owe yourself peace and recovery.

Take your power back gently but firmly. If you choose to step back, do it calmly. You can say: “I care about you deeply, but I’m not in a place to be in this relationship right now. You need professional help, and I need time to heal too. I’ll contact someone who can help you through this safely.” Then follow through call for help if he threatens self-harm. That’s the kindest and most responsible thing you can do.

Give yourself permission to pause. You don’t have to make a forever decision today. Take time for yourself therapy, rest, and gentle living. You’ve already carried unimaginable weight; now it’s time to put it down and heal.

[Marcus king]

I’m really sorry you’re going through all of this , it’s a lot for one person to carry, especially after the loss of your husband.

Here’s what I want you to know first, you are not responsible for keeping someone alive. Chris’s threats of self-harm when you try to leave are a form of emotional manipulation, even if they come from a place of pain. That’s not love, that’s control through fear. It’s especially harmful for you given your trauma from losing your husband.

Right now, you need to prioritize your emotional safety, If Chris ever threatens suicide again, don’t handle it alone, call emergency services (like 988 in the U.S.) or contact the VA crisis line at 988 then press 1, Let professionals step in.

If he truly wants help, the best thing he can do is stay in therapy and follow through with treatment. But you shouldn’t have to sacrifice your peace or stability waiting for that.

As hard as it feels, it might be healthiest to step away from the relationship, at least until he’s stable and you’ve had time to heal from your own loss. You deserve safety, stability, and love that doesn’t come with fear or guilt.

[PassionSeeker]

Oh love… my heart aches reading this. You’ve already walked through one unbearable loss, and now you’re caught in another storm that isn’t yours to fix. You’re grieving, still learning to breathe again and this man, however kind he can be, keeps pulling you back into chaos.

When someone threatens suicide if you leave, that’s not devotion, it’s desperation. It traps you instead of loving you. You can care about him and still choose to protect your own sanity. Call 988 or the VA line when he threatens harm let trained people handle it. That’s compassion, not abandonment.

You’ve given enough, sweetheart. You deserve rest, not rescue missions. Take this time to heal, to remember who you are when you’re not carrying someone else’s pain. Step away from the drama and into quiet. Grieve, breathe, rebuild at your own pace.

Love doesn’t have to feel like fear. It can be soft, safe, and steady again. But first, you have to give that to yourself.

[Tara]

it’s obvious you didn’t heal, you just sprinted from one trauma into another, and now you’re drowning because you let a broken man turn your grief into his leverage. This isn’t love; it’s emotional hostage-taking dressed up as affection.

Anyone who calls you names in an argument and then threatens suicide when you leave isn’t a partner he’s a crisis you’re trying to date. You’re not responsible for managing his self-harm threats; when he makes them, you call emergency services or the VA crisis line, because professionals handle that, not you.

You already survived the devastation of losing a husband to suicide you do not sign up for a sequel because you’re lonely and he’s “affectionate” between meltdowns. What you tolerate defines your standard, and right now you’re tolerating chaos. Stop pretending this relationship will magically evolve into “great” when the foundation is insecurity, manipulation, and instability. You end this by walking away and refusing to negotiate with emotional blackmail.

[Sally]

I’m not going to sugarcoat this part: when someone threatens suicide every time you try to walk away, that isn’t love. That’s control. And it puts you right back in the kind of fear you lived through with your husband, which is way too much for one person to hold.

I know you care about him, but caring for someone doesn’t mean you have to stay in a situation that’s hurting you. He needs real help from the VA, not a partner trying to keep him alive by herself.

If he threatens suicide again, please call emergency services or a crisis line. You’re not responsible for saving him. You’re responsible for keeping yourself safe.

[Natalie Noah]

My heart truly aches for what you’ve been carrying. Losing your husband to suicide is a wound that takes time, gentleness, and a lot of steady support to heal, and stepping into a new relationship so soon especially with someone who is also unstable has put you in an emotional storm before your heart even had the chance to breathe. April’s advice to slow everything down is absolutely right. You’ve been through a trauma, and when we’re hurting, lonely, or vulnerable, it’s very easy to attach to someone who feels comforting… even if the relationship is dangerous underneath. And this man is dangerous to your peace, to your healing, and honestly, to himself. His threats, his self‑harm, his anger, the name‑calling, those aren’t “quirks,” they’re major signs of instability and emotional abuse. And because of your history, his suicide threats hit you in the deepest, most painful place. That isn’t love that’s trauma bonding.

You cannot save him. You cannot be his therapist. You cannot be responsible for keeping him alive that is too much for any person, especially someone still grieving. What you can do is protect yourself and your child. What you can do is step back, let professionals handle his crises, and give yourself the space you never had after your husband died: time to heal, to breathe, to rebuild your emotional foundation. You deserve gentleness. You deserve stability. You deserve someone who brings peace into your life, not panic. And right now, the most loving choice for both of you is distance and time. He needs professional help, and you need safety, quiet, and nourishment. You are not abandoning him; you are choosing life for yourself.

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