[bikerjon72]

I have been going out with my girlfriend for 4 months. We fell in love instantly. She has always said that i treat her like she has never been treat before as she had bad previous relationships. She went out with her friends one night, texted me saying she loved me. I replied ‘love u too darling’, she then said ‘u better’. I said i had done straight away which she replied ‘yeah me too, i stop myself sometimes, i don’t know why, i’m silly’.
The next day i hear nothing from her until i texted her saying ‘r u ok babe’. She then replied with ‘i don’t know what i want anymore, i don’t know if i’m ready for a relationship, i’m used to being on my own’ . She wouldn’t answer my calls or any texts i get now are really cold, until i sent a letter to her saying how i felt. She text me back with a very firm message repeating that she wasn’t ready for a relationship, but when i rang she was crying over the phone repeating she doesn’t know what she wants. Her emotions didn’t seem to match her abrupt text. She refuses to see me or speak to me because she says it will get her upset but insists i have done nothing wrong. She also has a 4 year old son who has become very friendly towards me. Her ex had been giving her a bit of hassle over having a new boyfriend.
There had been no signs leading up to the break up. I received a wonderful card off for valentines a few days before the break up saying how pleased she was being in my life, and i was so nice inside and out and i make her feel really special.
Do you think she is scared of getting hurt, or possibly scared of her ex, or does she prefer being on her own. I cannot understand how she can change overnight whilst showing no emotion to me at all now apart fron crying on the phone that time. It’s like she is wiping me out of her memory.
Please help !!!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The problem is falling “instantly” in love with her. 😕 What happened is that you got excited and had feelings and chemistry with someone you didn’t really know. As you got to know her, and she got to know you, SHE decided this wasn’t working for her. The break up didn’t come out of nowhere — but you weren’t privy to the development of what led her to break up with you [i]because you didn’t know her that well[/i]. Fast love is very exciting — but like other fast things, it’s often crashes and burns. In fact, if she fell instantly in love with you, she could just as easily fall instantly in love with someone else. That’s the problem with “instant love.” 😳

It’s a safer bet to get to know someone before hitting landmarks like sex, the L word, meeting her child, etc. Right now, you’re asking me the questions about her that I can’t answer because I don’t know her ex-husband or her relationship with her child — but clearly, you don’t either — or not well enough to know what happened to her to make her decide that she didn’t want to go out with you any more.

My rule of thumb is to get to know someone over the first three months and decide if you want to continue seeing them, and at the six month mark, decide to be monogamous or not. These are general rules, not strict and rigid ones, but if you use them, they’ll help you figure things out. For now, sadly, the reasons for the break up are less important than the fact that after four months of dating, she’s decided she isn’t ready to be serious with you….[i]or[/i] you’re not the one she wants to continue dating. Regardless, it’s over.

Let me know how it all goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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