You’re having problems establishing boundaries. You’re worried about what he [i]might[/i] do. So far there is no evidence that he WILL do it. So…. YOU have to be very clear on what you want and what you’re willing and not willing to do.
If you don’t want a cat under any circumstances, then you need to tell him: I love you, but I don’t want there to be any misunderstandings. I don’t want a cat in this house. At all. I just want to make sure you know what I want and don’t want.
Or, you can decide to compromise. If there is something you want, that he is dead set against, this is the time to let him know that if he’s willing to do whatever it is he’s sworn up, down and sideways he’d never do, you’ll go for the cat if he’ll go for what you want.
Then, you have to let each other know what is expected. For instance, if you are clear that you don’t want a cat, you have to let him know that if he brings one in, you will promptly take it to the local shelter. Or, if you agree to the cat, you will do X, but not Y and if Y happens then here’s what’s going to be the remedy. In other words, you set up a contract. The trick is to not make it punitive or full of emotion, but instead, lay it out as a plan for how the situations will be handled and what the remedies for deviation from the plan will be AHEAD of time.
I hear you getting angry because you feel you’re not being listened to and you’re losing control. What this kind of clarity in spoken and written words does is to communicate what you want, what you’ll do and what you won’t do. Boundaries are very helpful in relationships when they’re clear. 😉
I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].
