[Lovely]

HI,
iam 28 yr old single and in a relationship from last 2.5 yrs,but unfortunately he is married and even 10 yrs elder to me and lives with his family, initially my situations where completely different and i was lonely when this person entered my life , I knew him well even before we where committed to this relation. things where fine initially and everything went well for some time and then we seriously started loving each other forgetting everything and do love and care a lot for each-other even today. I know he is really concerned and worried for me.

I got married last year (arranged marriage) as fixed and decided by my parents and again there is been a big twist in my life, we got to know that the boy’s family where not very good people and the guy was neither interested in marriage and it was a complete different exposure to me in my initial days, I was been harassed by these people and had decided to depart as lot of truths came in front of me about the boy and his family and im currently in the trans of getting my divorce.. Due to my marriage failure and family pressure (as i take care of my parents and sister) and do have additional responsibilities,which lead me through lot of emotional trauma in the past 1 year, meanwhile my love has been very supportive and guided me and made me comparatively a strong person and at the same phase i had been gone through lots of pain and tensions from his end as well, slowly he started avoiding my calls,stopped responding to my sms and was trying to tell me that this cant continue and doesn’t speak anything from his end( Stopped sharing about his personals) and the same time he has always been for me when i needed him to support/guide me , He does loves me and wants me to stop thinking about him and move forward in my life and wants to see me happy.. He is really a wonderful and amazing person and he being my first love and iam deeply attached( and very emotional person by nature)to him to such a extent that i can do anything for his sake, I do love him a lot than anything else in this world and i dont want to lose such a fantastic person and now situations are getting worst day by day now he calls me randomly and checks about my whereabouts and trying to keep the conversation very casual.We did have many arguments from past 3 months and i have stopped calling from my end and i speak only if he calls me and completely stopped meeting as well and m trying to avoid his calls as much as possible. Now he even stopped expressing his love and hardly speaks anything from his end. I know i cant get this person in my life nor i have any intention to break his marriage i just want his happiness and all i need is to be in touch with him and continue it without expecting any commitments from his end to marry or live with me (the way it use to be).

I really keep wondering most of the time that why iam so crazy and mad for him,that stops me from everything and how has he become my world. I dint find a answer even today, All i know is that i wont be able to surrender myself to another man in my life happily even in future in case i have to get married,except god does any miracle sending his duplicate into my life. I donno what should i do to forget him or how to behave better and I did try ur email tips of ignoring but its been a failure to me as i completely lose control over myself when i hear him although like a magic or my stupidity i don’t understand that i get week for him and forget what i was suppose to do.Please do help me out as i am not able to take this emotional turmoil nor able to express/share it with anyone. I am just hurting my own-self and have already spoilt my health, I am really worried now what life has stored for me and how to lead and overcome all of this ..Please advise what kind of decision would be right for me at this point of time and how should i go ahead to achieve it..

iam really looking forward to her from you..

Many thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I know that this is difficult for you, but you need to discipline yourself not to contact him and at the same time, to go out in the world and do things for others who need you.

He’s committed to his wife and family and isn’t interested in the relationship he has with you any more, so while I know you accept this intellectually, you also have to move on in your own life. You’re feeling sorry for yourself, and you’re living in a very small world that involves spending a lot of time thinking about yourself. It’s time for you to get out and focus on your job and on others who are less fortunate. My advice is to start volunteering at a hospital, a veteran’s administration organization, an animal shelter, a political organization or an orphanage. In other words, find a way to give of yourself instead of feeling sorry for yourself.

You won’t feel better right away, but eventually, you definitely will. 😀

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[Lovely]

thanks a lot for your kind support ….im trying nt to attend his calls dear but he is calling me and trying to know my whereabouts y is he doing all this , what kind of concern is this ?? Y should i be so crazy and mad for him which insists me to talk n listen to his voice?? Y is my behavior so foolish , wat could be the best way for me to avoid attending his calls dear ? Please help?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Easy: Don’t pick up the phone when he calls.

If you can’t do that, then you’re going to stay in the pattern you’re in. 😕 There is no magic wand to change things — just you and your behavior. 😉

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[Lovely]

thank you dear …. I really appreciate ur advise n i will definately put my best efforts to come out of this…..honey , i will follow the tips given by u which might help me live in peace .. Thanks is a very small word to convey u at this point of time…. Take care , be happy dear…

Sincearely,
L

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome. 😀

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