[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 7 years, since we were in high school. I am about to graduate college and he only has a year left of his undergraduate degree. We have always been happy with one another, but we are all we have ever known. We have not had the chance to date or experience anyone else. I am very satisfied with not having that experience but on the other hand, he is not. He is struggling with wanting to be with me but also wanting to experience becoming sexually involved with someone else. Therefore, we took a short break from one another. Needless to say, I am ready for this break to be over and move on because without a doubt I want to be with him, and he says he wants to be with me. However, he still seems unsure. Almost like he is mentally struggling with what to do. He wants to be with me so bad.. but he wants more sexual contact with women. We took this break assuming that he would be able to just gain some experience and move forward to benefit us in the end. I have no idea how to handle a situation like this. I am a strong believer against, lets break up and then get back together a year or two in the future. I gave him the break he needed, so its now or never. He says we can move forward & wants to be with me ..but I feel uneasy, as if in the future he’ll end up leaving me anyways. As much as it hurts, i’m trying to look out for myself. I need some advice!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You were very brave to suggest taking a break so your boyfriend could gain some sexual experience, because you took a big risk in doing so. Now, it seems that that risk is not paying off in your favor, which was definitely a known possibility when you signed on for this break.

Your uneasy feeling is your not wanting to recognize that your boyfriend may want more than just sexual experience out in the world. He may want other relationship experiences, too. He has feelings for you and doesn’t want to hurt you, so that’s why you see him “mentally wrestling” with his life right now. But, sadly, if he doesn’t make a decision about your future together soon, he’s going to hurt you more than he realizes.

My suspicion is that this relationship is over for now. I know that this is disappointing, but I think deep down, you know it, too, and you wrote me for confirmation.

First love is hard to get over, and a 7 year relationship ending and coinciding with your graduating college and making a life transition from student to real life adult, makes it even more profound. But this is also an opportunity for you to spread your wings and re-create your life using all the wonderful resources you have. The break up will hurt a lot, but you will get over it, and you will go on to love and commit to someone who wants to spend the rest of his life with you.

I hope that helps, and I wish you good luck.

[Member]

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