[Anonymous]

Hi April,

Me and my ex broke up couple months after college was over,but she said we could work things out,then a month after that she got a new boyfriend,she kept talking to me while they were dating and never told me that she was dating someone,( i found out through face book),we had a little fight when I ask for my stuff back,we didn’t talk since. Few weeks later she asked me how I’m doing lately,and stuff. Then in august I was living with a friend 4h away from her, I asked if she or any of her friends were going to where I am ( its the capital by the way),at first she said no then she said she might be going down,and right after that text her best friend started texting me asking a bunch of stuff,how was my summer,if I drank a lot,with who Im staying and all this sorta of things and me and her best friends talked maybe once or twice during summer,later couple of her friends were here,and she never told me or told them about bringing my stuff I’m guessing. When I got back on campus,she asked me if I was back,we talked on msn for like 2h,wasn’t weird or anything like that. Last night I texted her only to check what time I should pick up my stuff with her,she told me then we didn’t text for like an hour,then all the sudden she texts me back asking a bunch of stuff trying to make conversation,after a while she said that she is glad that we are talking again,that less stressful she apologize for the summer ( fights and when we broke up), saying she was to stressed, getting sick was getting on her nerves and things like that,then we talk for quite a while,she brought up once that she ‘kicked my ass during a ‘tickle fight’,we talked some more, then she was going to sleep and said she would text me tomorrow night.

She never express her ‘love’ for the new boyfriend (that is one of her best friends),like used to with me and the guy before me,and during the texts last night she went for a walk with him and when she got home she texted me.
I’m actually confused because I talked with a few of my good friends and some of them think that she’s still interested and things aren’t working with the new one and other thinks she’s just playing me around with no intentions to get back.

If it helps I’m 19 and she’s 20

[Anonymous]

I think she doesn’t know what she wants at the moment because she is acting kind of crazy. don’t pay attention to her…less is more if you know what I mean…get on with your life as if she doesn’t exist and you’ll see that it will be great for you…you deserve better…if she is the one she’ll be back, but as I see it not for a while…like I said she is not ready for a comitment…

[AskApril Masini]

I like what [b]Norma_Miami[/b] wrote you a lot, below. I think this woman is confused and isn’t sure what she wants — but that includes you, too. If you want to date her, you probably can, but I don’t think monogamy is in her near future. She sounds like she wants to play the field, keep her options open, and see what’s available to her. She isn’t going to be upfront with you about this because she wants to keep you around as someone to date and she knows that if you know too much about the other guys in her life, you won’t stay — and also because she isn’t quite sure what she’s doing, overall. She’s experimenting.

Unfortunately, I don’t think you want to play the field and you don’t seem interested in dating her as one of the guys she’s also dating. So long story short, this isn’t going to work out for you.

I hope that helps. Let me know how it goes. And please join me at AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Anonymous]

My friends also said she’s acting weird, she’s now texting me everyday,trying to make conversation, in the mornings she tells me about her classes,she’s even excited to tell my roommate that me and her are ‘good’ now,she brings up a couple things when we were together,she’s being flirtatious by texts.

I still do have feelings for her and ‘kind’ want to get back with her,but as you both said doesn’t seen like she knows what she wants or even what she’s doing,because it doesn’t make any sense.

[AskApril Masini]

If you feel the need to get back together with her, do so with caution, and hold onto your heart because chances are she’ll eventually become interested in other men, too. I know you don’t like the way she’s behaving and wish that she were different or at least behaving differently, but if you accept who and where she is right now, you’ll see that YOU have control over YOUR life and you can do whatever you want — date her; not date her; date her and play the field as well — the ball is truly in your court if you accept the reality of the situation.

I hope that helps. Join me on Facebook! That link is: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Anonymous]

A lot of stuff happened since last post.

I was doing Norma said, the result was she was texting me constantly, by the time she was awake until the time that she goes to bed.
Last Friday I went to a bar with a friend,she was at a bar right besides the one I was, she kept texting me to go there,that i wouldn’t regret it and everything, then all the sudden she asked if I still think about me and her, i replied yes, and she asked how so,then I asked what she means ,she said never mind, and I didn’t care, later that night I ended up going to the bar that she was, but was too late she left the bar,I was somewhat drunk and she was eating somewhere, I was mad we had a little fight over the phone, then she starts asking if she could come over, just her,I kept waiting and her friends probably didn’t let her because they are friends with her boyfriend, she called me a few min later apologizing and everything. during the whole last week, she keep saying she wanted to hang out, there was more flirting ,she constantly texting me again, for 3 days she invited to go ‘chill’ with her,and I did. Was enjoyable and it was just me and her. 3 days ago she asked if she could come drink with me, she came by herself, I ended up drinking way to much and blacked out. Although the next morning I told her we needed to talk,she came here before work . I told her that I was confused, I didn’t know why are we hanging out and talking so much, I thought we would be ignoring each other, That I don’t know what that whole Friday was about ( the bar one), that since that I’ve confused, I feel like I’m falling for her again. And that I can’t be only friends with her, seeing her with the boyfriends just kills me. She just said she’s confused,it’s complicated and everything,as I was leaving the car she said to text her that she might be able to hangout later tonight, nothing happened. Yesterday she texted me at 9am, to go hangout with her in school, was fun,we had a good time. I didn’t expect she would still talk to me after that talk. I text her late night telling her I was confused and everything and asked if she still have feelings for me or if she’s just trying to be friends, and her answer was ‘ I love my boyfriend’ ,so I told her that we should stop talking and hanging out,because I needed to forget about her for good now, she only said ok.
I ended up deleting her from everything to try to forget her for good.

So by the end was I actually being played or whatever ?

[Fridaykaye26]

As I have done this type of thing before (strange behaivior with an ex), I can say that all the previous advice is true.

What it sounds like is, not only does have no clue what she wants, but she’s stringing you along as a sort of back-up plan in case her relationship(s) don’t work out. She knows that you still have feelings for her and it works to her advantage by making you “safe.” Do not allow your feelings to stop you from moving forward with your life. Myself and many others are prime examples of this classic scenario: by the time she actually is ready and realizes her mistake, she will come back and tell you this but you will have moved on. You will be so empowered when you explain this to her, and it will feel so good! I promise, mark my words!

In the mean while, enjoy your college experience. Focus on your studies, or parties even (haha); things that have nothing to do with her. You will be okay.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I was surprised with her answer last night.
I asked pretty much all my fris,showed them the texts and everything else. They all said that she wants to get back or that sounded like at least. She was spending more time with me and texting me more than her boyfriend himself.

Tonight I supposed to meet her at school while she’s working on some assignment,to give her shoes back that she forgot here last Friday,I told her that I was upset last night and overreacted. I said that I needed to ask her a couple things ( ask about the whole Friday night thing at the bars,if she just wanted to be friends this whole time, and if I’m doing the right thing about stop talking to her),although I don’t think I will ask her those things.

Unfortunately, the university and the town are small so I will be seeing her often,besides that we are in one class together.

What you guys said about she having no clue about what she wants makes sense,the Friday where she almost came over shows that.She remembered that the next morning, and told me she was going to tell her boyfriends she was just coming over (I live on campus)to a party,and she said she was confused.After telling her that I’m confused and still have feeling for her,she still wanted to hang out and everything else.

Talking to her and hanging with her,unfortunately makes me happy. And I’d feel like I’m being her back up plan in case things don’t work with the boyfriend. I don’t see any other explanation for all those things she’s been doing.

[AskApril Masini]

[i]Read the advice I’ve already given you! [/i] I think you’re ignoring my advice, and you’re ignoring her consistently confused and confusing behavior because you’re chasing that feeling you get SOMETIMES with her – when you enjoy being together. But you forget that she is going to whiplash you back and forth because she doesn’t know what she wants.

You’re not really being played because you’re going into this relationship knowing she has a boyfriend and knowing she’s confused. If you put yourself in a relationship with someone who’s confused, guess what you’re going to get more than anything over time: CONFUSION!

I hope that helps.

Join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

I apologize for that April.
I think with all my friends saying she’s interest in get back,she’s being flirtatious and everything else I think I got sidetracked by that.
I’ve decided that I was going to gradually step away from her,so me and her get used to that until a point where there’s no more contact with each other. I noticed by doing that, if I try to get closer to her,she moves away and if I try to move way she gets closer.
She sent me texts really late night,around 3am, she didn’t reply back,next morning she tells me that was if I’ve seen her ex. I told her before I’m barely getting any sleep lately, and she woke me up last night, we argued and she said she wouldn’t be texting anymore. So I hope my problems with her are over now.

[AskApril Masini]

Your problems will be over with her when you stop contacting her. Read what I told you — that she is going to give you lots of confusing behavior and you can count on that. If you don’t want to be a victim of that behavior, stop responding to her texts and stop being in contact with her. You have to conduct yourself differently if you want your life to be different.

I hope this helps.

Please join me on Facebook. Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Ethan Morales]

From what you’ve described, this girl is emotionally messy right now. She’s sending mixed signals telling you she wants to work things out, then getting a new boyfriend, hiding it, and still keeping you close enough to talk and check in. That’s not clarity; that’s confusion. She’s trying to keep both doors open one foot in the new relationship, one foot still lingering in the comfort she had with you.

You can tell she’s not being upfront because her actions contradict her words. She told you she might visit, but didn’t follow through. She didn’t return your stuff when she could have. She lets her best friend text you to feel things out that’s not coincidence, that’s emotional testing. Then, when she finally does talk, she apologizes for the past and slips in light, nostalgic flirting like that “tickle fight” line. That’s her way of seeing if she still has emotional influence over you.

Now, I’m not saying she’s a bad person. But she’s being emotionally selfish. She doesn’t know what she wants, and in the meantime, she’s using connection with you to feel validated and comfortable while she figures it out. It’s not fair to you because you’re still attached, still hoping for something real, and she’s not in that same headspace.

If you want peace and clarity, you’ll have to pull back a little. Don’t ghost her, but stop giving her unlimited emotional access to you. When she reaches out, be polite but don’t open the door to long nostalgic chats. Let her feel your absence that’s how she’ll know if she truly misses you or just misses the attention.

In the end, she’s confused and exploring. You, on the other hand, sound like you want stability. Those two energies don’t mix. So my advice? Don’t wait around for her to figure out her life at your expense. Step back, rebuild your emotional space, and let her confusion sort itself out without dragging you along. If she ever comes back genuinely ready and single you’ll know. Until then, protect your peace.

[Tara]

She is using you. Full stop. You’re sitting here dissecting her texts like they’re sacred scripture, when in reality she’s treating you like a warm-up act she can turn on when she’s bored and turn off when her actual boyfriend walks into the room. You’re not the main event; you’re the emotional entertainment she keeps on standby.

She hid her new boyfriend from you because she knew you’d stick around anyway. She lets her friends “randomly” text you because she enjoys the power trip. She flirts just enough to keep you hooked, then goes right back to her real relationship. That isn’t interesting. That’s manipulation. And you’re swallowing it like it’s affection.

You keep asking whether she wants you back because you want permission to keep hanging onto a fantasy. Here’s your answer: she doesn’t. If she did, she wouldn’t be walking with her boyfriend and texting you like a bored housewife. She’d end things, get her life straight, and show up with clarity. She hasn’t done any of that because she doesn’t want you; she wants access to you.

You’re letting her pull the strings because you’d rather be her second choice than face being alone. That’s your real problem. Not her. You.

[Sally]

It really sounds like she likes the attention she gets from you, but not enough to actually choose you. And I know that hurts, because part of you remembers how it felt when things were good, and every time she pops back into your life it brings that old hope with it.

But look at her actions. She kept a new boyfriend secret. She only reached out when it suited her. She sends mixed signals, then goes on a walk with him and comes home to text you. That’s not someone trying to come back that’s someone keeping you on the hook.

You’re not crazy for feeling confused. She’s giving you just enough to keep you around, but not enough to build anything real.

If she truly wanted another chance, you wouldn’t be guessing this much. Let her return your stuff and protect your heart a little. You deserve clarity.

[Natalie Noah]

The core of what’s happening here is that she is confused and not emotionally available in a consistent, committed way. Her behavior texting you constantly, wanting to hang out alone while having a boyfriend, being flirtatious, and then pulling back is classic “mixed signals” behavior. She is not intentionally malicious, but she is keeping her options open, which puts you in a precarious emotional position. The truth is that her actions are not aligned with a healthy, committed relationship, and your repeated hope that things will be different is understandable but risky.

It’s important to recognize that you are not being “played” in a traditional manipulative sense. You are reacting to her own inconsistency and emotional unavailability. She may genuinely care about you in some way, but she is also prioritizing her freedom and experimenting with boundaries. That means any positive feelings or happy moments you experience with her are fleeting and unpredictable. The pleasure of those moments is real, but they do not represent a stable foundation for a relationship.

You have shown incredible self-awareness in noticing the patterns: when you pull away, she comes closer; when you reach for her, she pulls away. This is a sign of her uncertainty and your emotional investment. It’s not a reflection of your worth or your ability to attract love; it’s simply the dynamic she has created through her own confusion. Recognizing this pattern is powerful because it gives you the choice to step out of it, which is exactly what you eventually decided to do by gradually removing contact.

April’s advice is spot on: your problems with her will only truly end when you stop responding and stop contacting her. The more you engage, the more opportunity there is for emotional whiplash. You have control over your life and your emotions. she does not. By setting clear boundaries and removing yourself from her orbit, you protect your heart and give yourself space to focus on people who are capable of being consistent and available.

The big takeaway here is that this is not about you doing something wrong. it’s about her lack of clarity and readiness for a mature, committed relationship. Stepping away isn’t rejection of her; it’s protection of yourself and your emotional wellbeing. Over time, this will allow you to cultivate relationships that are reciprocal, stable, and nurturing. the kind of connection that doesn’t leave you second-guessing or caught in confusion. Your clarity and boundaries now will create the freedom to find that.

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