[edc1989]

[color=#FF00BF]Hi,

I am looking for all and any input on my situation so please help!

I just got out of a 3.5 year relationship. I am young, and almost finished university and I have never really lived the single life. I still love my ex, but we are done for now, although we still talk often and he expresses he still has a lot of feelings for me. I have those for him too but a relationship, a long distance one, is just not what I want right now. I have met a new guy, and he is absolutely great. We get along so well, we are extremely attracted to one another and we have the most fun and easy going relationship. Recently, the new guy asked me to be official but I had said I wanted time. The new guy and I do have sex however I still find myself reaching out to my ex for phone calls, talks and a good friend. My ex asks if there are any new guys and I feel it is not his business, and ultimately I know it would only crush him. However, the new guy does not really know about my ex and how him and I still communicate. Am I being unfair? Or am I just living the single life and have every right to? I am not doing anything sexual with my ex, but there are still lots of unresolved feelings and emotions there.

Part of me feels like I am stringing both along, and the other part of me feels joy from the fact that I am not attached to one person and I have every right to explore my options to see what I want. Do I owe it to either of them to tell them about the other? Or am I being completely selfish in this matter.

ANYONE, please give your input and advice.[/color]

[lesterkiwi]

Your biggest problem here, starts with you not really knowing what you want. You need to sit down and decide where you want to go with your dating life. Do you want to be single, or do you want an emotional realationship? Right now youre trying to have your cake and eat it too. What is the reason you havent told the new guy you still talk to your ex? Because he might get upset and possibly leave and you just lost your fwb? You owe it to the new guy to be honest. Give him all the information he needs to make an informed decision about where he needs to go with this relationship.

As far as your ex…. [quote=”edc1989″]I still love my ex, but we are done for now,[/quote][quote=”edc1989″]Seems to me he is your fall back option if the single life isnt what you thought it would be, or things dont work out with the new guy. You owe it to your ex to let him know you are seeing someone else so he can move on with his life.

Because you still have feelings for your ex, and won’t severe ties so you both can move forward, I feel you are being selfish. You have the best of both worlds, single but the benefits of a commited relationship. The problem with this is, you not being honest about your intentions (partly because you havent sat down to figure out what you really want). You have every right to live the single life…..as long as you’re upfront about what your expectations are to everyone concerned.

[AskApril Masini]

First of all, take away the judgment here: you’re dating like most guys would. 😉 You’re exploring your options and keeping doors open. And you’re feeling your freedom after ending a three year relationship.

The potential problem you may not realize you’re facing is that when you hang onto an ex, it keeps you from moving forward with a clear head. I never suggest that men and women should be friends because one person always wants more — in this case, it’s your ex who wants more than you do. You’re not really friends because friends are honest with each other; and you’re not boyfriend/girlfriend any more because you’ve broken up. It will be much easier for both of you if you let go, cut contact (at least for now), and forge ahead separately. If you’re still talking to him, the way you are now, when he starts dating, you may not feel as free and easy about things. Let go and move on.

For now, it’s fine that you’re playing your cards, but if you do want to have a more serious relationship at some point, you’ll want to be honest with this guy you’re newly and casually dating right now.

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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