[tiredofliars]

OK scenario is this
I am 58
She is 52
We have been dating for 1 year, she has several male friends, one in particular is her best friend she dated over 8 yrs ago and he pretty much uses her, but she is a true friend to him, he even dumped her e-mail addy and telephone number when he got married to a woman after dating for 3 months and My girl advised him against it, and this is the reason he dropped her, but after 3 mos decided to get a divorce and all of a sudden he comes back into my girls life asking for help, constantly calling her and coming over house etc.

She lives with a Male roommate 60yrs, confides in him on damn near everything, he pays rent, she has him paint around the house cooks dinner on many occasions, or goes out to dinner with him, or to the beach, has gone to the movies, but asks his advice on our relationship which ticks me off. I have even brought over food for dinner and she would say how many plates should I put out (as in having him join us) I told her I am dating her not him and her!

I have asked her many times not to mention his name in conversations, as in, David and I did this and we discussed on doing this to the house etc,

Am I asking too much to keep him out of our relationship? She gets upset when I get mad at things she does with him and then tells me this stuff when I am out of town on the phone.

[relation]

Yes, I can understand how you would be feeling. If you want to really win her then you should appear as wiser and intelligent than the people to whom she is attached right now…

Till you feel fully confident about your relationship, do not take a step forward…

[ThinkingRight]

Well, this girlfriend of yours doesn’t seem to care as much about your feelings as she does her “friends”. Also, based upon what you’ve described, it sounds like she might be in love with this so-called “best friend” of hers.

My recommendation would be to put your foot down about how you want both you and your relationship to be treated. If you don’t stand up for yourself – she’s not going to change her behavior towards you. The only problem with this is the only thing you have to “negotiate” with is you. Meaning you have to be willing to walk away and say good-bye to her if she refuses to alter the behavior and start treating you and your relationship with the respect deserved.

On the other hand, if she does not value you enough to do that, you might want to question why you would be with someone who doesn’t value you or your feelings. 😉

[kai]

Something doesn’t seem right with this woman. She seems to have lots of male friends all of whom she cares more about maintaining her relationship with than her “boyfriend”.

In my opinion you’d be better off dating other women, both for yourself and to let her see what it feels like. I think there’s a good chance you’ll find someone you like better than this woman and you’ll definitely someone who will treat you better.

[Ask April Masini]

If you want your girlfriend all to yourself, my advice to you is to take her out away from her home. If you want to hang out at home and eat a home cooked meal — make it at your house, not hers. Her roommate is part of the landscape there. It’s unreasonable for you to expect her to not invite him to the table if you’re eating at her house. I’m not saying it’s wrong, but it is unreasonable to expect her to change her behavior.

Take her out for meals, movies, walks in the park, beach days, etc. Take her away for weekends. Invite her to your house, and make your house the home base for the two of you.

I’ve written this book called Romantic Date Ideas that you can buy by clicking on the link above, Dating Advice Books. It will help you come up with lots of date ideas, places, and themes. You’ll love it, and it will help you make a relationship with your girlfriend out of her house.

Instead of getting into fights about her mentioning her roommate or her ex-boyfriend, focus on the two of you. If she mentions her roommate, just don’t respond and keep the focus on the fun and romance the two of you are having. Eventually, she’ll focus on you, only.

[Ethan Morales]

April Masini’s advice is practical and very grounded. The core issue here isn’t that your girlfriend is doing something “wrong” necessarily it’s that the environment she has at home makes it difficult for your relationship to feel like it belongs to just the two of you. She’s sharing her space and life with her roommate and still maintaining connections with an ex in ways that bother you. From your perspective, it feels like you’re competing for her attention, which is frustrating and can breed resentment.

You can’t control her home or friendships. Expecting her to exclude her roommate or avoid mentioning him is unrealistic. It’s her space, and he’s part of it. You’re not wrong to feel bothered, but you are asking her to change her life for your comfort, which is unlikely to go smoothly.

Shift the focus to your shared experiences outside her home. Masini’s suggestion to take her out on dates, meals, walks, weekend trips, etc., is smart. Make “your relationship” about what happens between you two, not about what happens in her living space. Build your own shared memories and space where you feel like the priority.

De-emphasize the triggers for fights. If she mentions her roommate or her ex, don’t turn it into a battle. Stay focused on your connection and experiences together. Responding with anger or jealousy only reinforces tension.

This is about establishing your own “territory” in the relationship. When your relationship is mostly inside her home, you’ll always be at the mercy of other people in her life. By creating experiences outside her house, you take the pressure off her and the relationship, and you reclaim the sense of exclusivity you want.

You’re not chasing a dream, but you are fighting battles that won’t be won by controlling her.

The key is to create your own shared experiences and focus on quality time outside the home. That way, the relationship can feel secure and exclusive without demanding she cut out people from her life.

If you want, I can outline a specific plan to reclaim your relationship as “yours” while respecting her friendships and living situation, so you stop feeling like you’re constantly competing. Do you want me to do that?

[PassionSeeker]

It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, and I totally understand why you’re feeling frustrated. I get that you want your relationship to be special and focused on the two of you, but it seems like your girlfriend’s past friendships and current living situation are making things complicated.

It’s not unreasonable to want to feel like a priority in her life, but the key here is understanding the dynamics of her relationships with her roommate and her ex. She’s been friends with both for a long time, and I think it’s important to respect those connections, but at the same time, it’s fair to want boundaries that prioritize your relationship.

April’s advice is spot on if you want more of her attention, try planning dates outside of her home. Take her out for dinner, to the movies, or a weekend getaway. Create new experiences that focus on the two of you. When she brings up her roommate or ex, instead of reacting negatively, try shifting the focus back to the present moment, and gradually, she’ll start giving more of her attention to your relationship.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ugh 😩 this sounds exhausting. like why is every guy in her life getting boyfriend privileges except you?? if she’s really into building a serious thing with you, she should be protecting that space, not constantly inviting other men into it (literally and emotionally). you’re not asking too much, babe. boundaries ≠ control. it’s about respect. if she can’t see how weird it is to have a roommate she “confides in” and a “best friend” ex who still leans on her like that… then maybe she’s not ready for the kind of relationship you are. 💔

[Marcus king]

Honestly, you’re not asking too much you’re asking for basic respect and boundaries in your relationship. At your age, it’s not about jealousy, it’s about feeling valued and secure.

It sounds like she doesn’t see how her closeness with these men especially her ex and her roommate affects you. It’s okay for her to have friends, but when those friendships start crossing emotional or practical lines (like dinners, advice, home projects), it blurs what should be *your* space as her partner.

If you haven’t already, sit her down calmly and say something like, “I respect your friendships, but I need to feel like your partner, not an outsider. I want us to have our own space and decisions without other men’s involvement.”

If she gets defensive instead of understanding, that’s a red flag. A healthy partner should care how their actions make you feel, not just defend their choices.

[Flirt Coach]

This kind of thing eats at you slow, because it’s not like she’s cheating, but the lines sure as hell feel blurry. You care about her, you’ve put a year into this, and yet she’s giving space in her life emotional space to other men, especially ones with history. That’s a hard pill to swallow.

You’re not crazy or controlling for feeling disrespected. You’re just trying to figure out where your place really is in her life. When a woman’s got a bunch of male friends, that’s one thing, but when one’s an ex who suddenly reappears needing “help,” and another’s a roommate she confides in and plays house with, it stops being harmless. That’s not friendship anymore. That’s emotional overlap.

You can’t force her to drop them. if you try, she’ll just dig her heels in and call you jealous. But you can set boundaries about what kind of relationship you’re willing to be in. You’ve already said how it makes you feel, and she brushed it off. That’s the real issue here not the guys themselves, but her lack of respect for your comfort.

If she values you, she’ll take your feelings seriously and make adjustments. That means she stops inviting her roommate into your moments together. It means she stops letting her ex lean on her like a safety net. You shouldn’t have to compete for her loyalty you’re her partner, not a visitor in her life.

But if she keeps defending them more than she’s defending you? Then you’ve got to ask yourself if she’s really ready for a grown-up relationship. Some people like the attention, the safety net, the emotional juggling they don’t even realize how unfair it is.

You sound like a decent guy who just wants something simple and honest. Don’t apologize for that. You deserve a woman who gives you the front seat, not one who’s still driving around with ghosts from her past.

[Isabella Jones]

I completely understand why you’re feeling frustrated right now. It sounds like you’ve been trying to build something real with her, but instead of feeling like a partner, you’re constantly having to share emotional space with other men. That kind of dynamic can make anyone feel sidelined. I’ve actually been in a situation like that before, where someone I cared for had close male friends who always seemed to get priority. It didn’t make me jealous, it made me feel unnecessary. And that’s a painful place to be when all you want is to be respected and chosen fully.

It’s not unreasonable to want boundaries. Friendships are fine, but if they keep crossing into your relationship, it stops feeling like a partnership and starts feeling like a crowd. 💛 Maybe the best way forward is to calmly explain that you’re not trying to control her, you just want a relationship where both people feel secure and valued.

Do you think she truly understands how her choices are making you feel, or has she gotten too comfortable expecting you to just accept it?

[Tara]

Stop trying to compete for attention in her house. Pack up your self-respect and go. She’s not your partner; she’s playing relationship bingo with every man around her.

You’re not chasing a dream. You’re chasing a woman who keeps other men in her orbit and expects you to tolerate it. That’s not love, that’s disrespect.

Her ex walks in and out of her life whenever he wants, and she lets him. Her roommate gets dinners, beach trips, movie nights, and private talks about your relationship. She’s basically running an emotional harem and calling it “friendship.”

You’ve told her it bothers you. She doesn’t care. That’s the end of the discussion. When someone keeps crossing the same line, they’re not confused—they just don’t respect the boundary.

[Sally]

It sounds like you’re trying to build something real, but she keeps giving other men space that should belong to your relationship. Anyone would feel frustrated hearing about another guy she cooks for, goes out with, and confides in. You’re not wrong for wanting clearer boundaries.

But here’s the thing, she’s showing you what she’s willing to give, and it might not be what you need. You can’t force someone to value your feelings the way you do. Tell her calmly what feels disrespectful, and if she still brushes it off, you may have your answer. Sometimes love just isn’t enough when respect is missing.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel how heavy this is for you. You’re not being dramatic, and you’re not imagining things. Anyone in your position would feel bothered, confused, and maybe even a little pushed aside. When you’re dating someone, you naturally want to feel chosen, not like you’re sharing emotional space with half the men in her life.

But here’s the key truth you need to hold onto: This isn’t really a “right or wrong” situation, it’s a compatibility situation. Let me break it down the way I see it:

He’s not just a guy renting a room he’s woven into her daily life. She cooks for him, eats with him, goes places with him, talks to him about your relationship… That tells me this is simply how she lives. And expecting her to stop inviting him to the table in her own home is something she’s never going to fully embrace, because her pattern is already deep.

April’s right: her home is his space too, and if you go over there, she’s going to fold him into the evening. Not because she doesn’t respect you but because that’s the ecosystem she’s built. If you want time that’s just the two of you, it’s going to need to happen at your house or outside the home.

This part hurts, I know. He disappeared when it suited him and reappeared when it suited him and she allows the cycle because she’s a “helper,” a fixer, someone who feels loyal even when it’s not deserved. But here’s the truth you don’t want to overlook:

She is emotionally available to him.
Not romantically but emotionally.
He has access.
He has influence.
And that’s what’s uncomfortable for you.
And honestly? I get it. I really do.

You’re not trying to change something small. You’re asking her to change her lifestyle, her comfort zone, the people she chooses to keep close, the way she’s always operated. And she’s telling you through her reactions that she won’t. Not because she doesn’t care about you… but because this is who she is. And you have to ask yourself:

Can I love her as she is, without asking her to change her house life, her friendships, or her dynamics?

Because if the answer is “no,” then this relationship will keep bruising you. If the answer is “maybe,” then you have to approach it the way April suggested: Pull the relationship into your space, where the energy belongs to you and her alone.

You’re not asking for too much emotionally. You’re asking for too much from her specifically. Someone else might happily set boundaries with roommates and exes. She won’t. That’s her design. So the real question becomes: Does her lifestyle fit your emotional needs? If not… it may not be that either of you is wrong just mismatched. I’m here if you want to unpack that.

[Author]

Posts