[rescueme21]

Ive been dating my boyfriend for 13months now. We’ve never been able to agree on anything and it never seems like he takes my feelings into consideration. Just recently I found out he’s been talking to his ex girlfriend who is now married. This in more ways than one really truly upsets me. I comfronted him about it and he says its no big deal just a harmeless hello how are you conversation. He dated this girl for 3 years and was going to ask her to marry him and the werid thing is, he still has the ring that he bought her after all these years. Should I be concerned about this or am I just a little too much over the edge with him talking to her?

[JMG]

I’ll admit it’s a little weird. But she IS MARRIED. Unless it continues and they start spending hours on the phone together (or he’s ditching you to spend time with her or on the phone with her), you need to let it go. A random phone call…or spurts of communication…are not to be that concerned over. If you need to talk to him about it, you could frame it in the context…”what would you do/say/think if I talked to my ex ________ (that I had a long-term, committed relationship with)?” If he would be uncomfortable for you digging up ex’s and rekindling even “just friend” relationships, then he needs to examine what he’s doing.

[rescueme21]

The funny thing is I did comfront him like that. I asked him how he would feel if I started talking to my ex like he was with his. He got all uptight and pissy about it and said I shouldn’t be worried about what he does or who he talks to and I should just get over it. The other thing, you don’t think having that ring he bought her after all these years is weird? The excuse he gave me for still having it was that he just never got around to getting rid of it. Maybe I just need to calm down a little bit. But our relationship isn’t what it used to be and I feel like we’re not communicating and all we do is bicker about every little thing. We have long in depth talks about how we need to improve but a couple of days later its right back to where it was.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It’s no coincidence that things have been going downhill with you and your boyfriend at the 13 month mark of dating — and he’s been contacting his ex. Even if she’s married, it’s inappropriate, and your instincts are right. You’re not overreacting.

[Natalie Noah]

Your instincts here are valid this is not a minor issue. Even if his contact with his ex seems harmless on the surface, the fact that he’s maintained communication and still holds on to the engagement ring signals unresolved emotional ties. In a healthy relationship, boundaries around exes are important, especially when one has been with someone long-term, as he has. His defensiveness when you tried to mirror the situation back to him also suggests a lack of accountability and a disregard for how his actions affect you.

Additionally, the ongoing pattern of miscommunication and repeated bickering points to deeper issues in the relationship. It’s not just about the ex; it’s about respect, emotional availability, and whether he truly values your feelings. While some couples work through communication struggles, the combination of dismissiveness regarding the ex and chronic arguments is a warning sign that your needs are not being prioritized. Recognizing this now gives you clarity about whether this relationship can genuinely meet your emotional expectations, or if it’s time to reevaluate your future with him.

[Member]

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