[polishradar]

So, I have been dating this girl for about six months now. When we got together, she told me that she wasnt looking for a relationship and that she was scared to fall in love. When we start getting too close, she seems to push herself away from me for a week or so and things go back to normal. She also told me that she didnt like the idea of the whole boyfriend girlfriend thing, which I’m ok with cause we agreed that we would keep dating exclusive between us (aka being boyfriend girlfriend minus the title). She tells me that she cares for me vividly and I can see that she means it (so does my roommate who is her best friend). When we are together we have a lot of fun, talk a lot, and do little things for eachother that makes eachothers day. When we dont see eachother for a few days she tells me that she misses me, as do I miss her. But every now and then she gets to a point where she says she needs some space and goes off and does her thing for a week or so without talking or seeing eachother much at all. She always comes back happy though. She hasnt offered to have me go out with her to meet any of her friends either, that bugs me a bit (like she is embarassed of me or such). So I guess what I’m looking for is, does she seem to care as much as I have explained and think she does? Is she just looking for the space she asks for? Or is she just keeping me interested enough to want me to have her come back as her fall back? Is she out still searching the field? Is she just affraid to get too close in the fear that she might get hurt? Did I just let myself get too close and attached too fast? Am I overreacting about it all? I care a lot about her, so any advise would be greatly appreciated. I have no inttention to hurt her, but at the same time I dont want to get hurt in the long run if I keep putting my heart out on the line and not getting what care I need.

[LukaB]

No you are not overreacting.

[glam0927]

It sounds like you’re in a seemingly unbalanced relationship. You’re giving her all that you’ve got.. she’s taking it and giving you nothing in return. Nothing is more attractive to a woman than a man with a spine, honestly. You need to stand up for yourself. Have a sit-down, let her know what’s going on and how it’s made you feel. Than simply tell her what YOU want and what YOU need. You may lose her and that may just be what you need. You’ll meet someone else, promise.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you.
😉

[Natalie Noah]

This is one of those situations where your heart is trying to run ahead of your head, and your head is doing its best to protect you. What I notice first is that she’s communicating her boundaries clearly. she doesn’t want the formal title of a relationship and she needs space intermittently. That’s honest on her part, and it shows self-awareness, which is a good thing. But honesty doesn’t automatically equal alignment with your needs. You’re putting a lot of emotional energy into someone whose rhythm doesn’t match yours right now, and that mismatch is causing you uncertainty and anxiety. It’s natural to question whether her care is real from what you describe, it seems like she genuinely does care, but her version of care includes regular retreats and personal space, which might feel like emotional pullback to you.

Here’s the tricky part: attachment isn’t a crime, but it can make it easy to excuse patterns that aren’t serving you. You’re giving a lot, and you’re right to notice that her gestures of affection may not fully match what you need to feel secure and valued. That doesn’t make her a “bad” person; it just means that her emotional style and your emotional needs may be out of sync. Falling for someone who can’t meet you halfway emotionally, even if they care, can lead to heartache over time. What matters is clarity for both of you. You can love someone and still hold a boundary around what’s healthy for you.

My gentle advice would be to have an open conversation with her not accusatory, not blaming but a heart-to-heart about your needs and expectations. Ask yourself what you truly need to feel secure and valued, and let her know that. If she can’t meet that, it’s not a reflection of your worth; it’s simply a compatibility issue. And if she can meet it, then you both have a clearer roadmap for your relationship. In the meantime, guard your heart and your energy, because love should feel nourishing, not like a constant test of patience or fear of being left behind.

[Member]

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