[ms.teresa]

Hi April, im 23 and just recently split up with my boyfriend of over a year he is 28. we got along great, we could finish eachothers sentences. since I have known him he didn’t have a job or car, so I would help him out and I drove 40 miles to see him everyday on my leased car I need to buy now. he did what he could for me cooked cleaned anything. the other issue was my family didn’t care to much for him because of his job status ( he was actively looking), this was one major reason we split. as soon as he found a job I had to take him to work n back, but he started to give me money ans help out with everything. my concern is that he won’t be able to catch up from not working he has no savings and no retirement saved up yet, I know he is still young but I think at 28 he should be pretty stable.

Now my best friend hooked me up with an awsome guy that is my age and has everything going for him. He takes me out to dinner all the time and buys me flowers. I just can’t stop thinking of Brian and how much fun we had together, its making me push this great guy away that I know could take care of me in the future. please help im so confused. do I try and make things work with the guy that is good for me but I can’t make myself have feelings for him because I still love Brian, or be with brian even if we have to struggle a little to have a future.

[AskApril Masini]

Buh-bye Brian, hello new guy!

Sorry, but your old boyfriend is not mature enough to be serious boyfriend material let alone husband material. He has too many problems being a man to be a partner to a healthy woman. I hope you are able to value yourself as a prize, enough so that you’ll give a man something to chase and win (you!). Men feel much better about themselves when they feel like they’re providing for their woman and that they can go out into the world and slay dragons.

Brian is very needy and he’s not standing on his own two feet in terms of job and career, which are crucial to a man’s self esteem. Down the road (and perhaps very soon) you may very well end up resenting all the work you’re doing for him, and you may be surprised to find he’s going to feel depressed and angry at himself for not being better able to take care of you. The truth is that you’re acting like the guy in the relationship and he’s acting like the woman. Stop rescuing him. Quit driving 40 miles each way to see this guy. Sheesh! And listen to your family — they’re right to be wary of him because of his job status. At 28, he should have a job and be building a career.

I am very sure you are ripe to read my book, Think & Date Like A Man. You can purchase it by clicking on the Dating Advice Books link above. It will give you a step by step plan to be your best self and find your best romantic partner. You should really read it now. In fact, read it before you go out on any more dates with this new guy. It will help you date better in the future.

This new guy sounds really great, and your own doubts about Brian make it clear to me that you’re ready to move on. It’s truly in your best interest.

[Ethan Morales]

You were loyal, patient, and tried to see the potential in him. That says a lot about you, not him. But love isn’t just about how someone makes you feel when things are good it’s about whether they can stand beside you as an equal when life starts demanding more. And in this case, he wasn’t there yet.

You weren’t just his girlfriend you were his driver, his safety net, his motivation. That’s not a relationship; that’s a rescue mission. You stepped into the “provider” role, and even though he helped out when he could, you were still carrying the weight. That imbalance doesn’t disappear once someone finds a job. it usually turns into resentment over time. And honestly, it’s not your job to fix or carry a grown man’s responsibilities.

April was blunt, but she’s not wrong about the dynamic. A man who isn’t standing on his own two feet tends to lose confidence not just in the world, but in himself. You can’t love someone enough to make them stable or ambitious. That kind of drive has to come from within. And you deserve someone who’s already there, not someone who might get there “someday” if things go right.

Now, the new guy. he sounds like a decent person, grounded and generous. But I get it: you can’t just flip a switch and feel something because he checks the right boxes. You’re still emotionally tied to Brian, even though logically you know he’s not your long-term match. So don’t force it take time to let your emotions catch up with your reality. You don’t owe anyone your heart before you’re ready.

Still, I’d be careful not to mistake familiar chaos for real connection. Sometimes we hold onto the struggle because it feels passionate, but that’s not love that’s habit mixed with adrenaline. Peace can feel strange at first, but it’s what healthy love looks like.

Brian represents who you used to be the version of you that tried to save people. This new chapter is about letting someone meet you halfway. And you can’t start that if you keep looking back.

[Natalie Noah]

Your heart is holding onto the memories and feelings you had with Brian, even though logically, you know he’s not in a place to build a stable future with you. That nostalgia, that emotional pull, is so strong because it’s familiar and you shared so much time and effort together. But you’re also realizing that you’ve been carrying much of the weight in that relationship driving long distances, financially supporting him, and emotionally compensating for his lack of stability. That’s a lot for anyone to carry, and it’s not sustainable. Love alone cannot build a healthy partnership; shared responsibility, mutual support, and stability are just as crucial.

From what you’ve described, Brian isn’t ready to step up as a partner in the way you deserve. He’s still figuring out his career and independence, and at 28, that should be more established if he wants to be a dependable, long-term partner. Staying with him means you’re likely to continue carrying the bulk of the emotional and practical load, and eventually, resentment could build even if you love him deeply. It’s painful to let go of someone you care about, but sometimes love isn’t enough to create a healthy future together.

The new guy your friend introduced sounds like a refreshing change someone your age who is already stable, thoughtful, and attentive. That he takes you out, buys flowers, and shows consistent effort is a huge indicator of his readiness for a committed, balanced relationship. Your lingering thoughts about Brian are natural, but they’re nostalgia, not necessarily love that will sustain you long-term. Following your head and your heart together here means giving yourself the chance to explore a relationship with someone who can match your energy, love, and commitment someone who can actually build a life with you rather than rely on you to build it for him. This is your opportunity to choose the partner who values you as you deserve.

[Serena Vale]

You’re confused because you’re trying to force a decision you’re not ready to make.

You still love Brian. That’s why the new guy feels “right on paper” but wrong in your heart. You can’t switch off real feelings just because someone else looks more stable.

But here’s the reality you can’t ignore:
Being with Brian means struggle. You already lived it, the driving, the supporting, the stress with your family. And unless he becomes consistent on his own, you’ll end up carrying the relationship again.

Being with the new guy just because he’s stable isn’t fair to him or you. If your heart’s not in it, it won’t work.

So the simple answer is this:

Don’t pick either of them right now.
You’re not healed, you’re not clear, and you’re not emotionally neutral. Take a break from both. Give yourself space to actually think without pressure.

If Brian truly steps up consistently, you’ll see it.
If feelings for the new guy grow naturally, you’ll feel it.

But right now?
You’re not in a place to choose a future with anyone, and that’s okay.

[Member]

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