[DazedAndConfused]

Well I came here the first time about a month ago, with the question to either pursue a crush or just let it drop. I got the advice to pursue and have fun with it. Well it turns out he’s starting to like me as well. But he has this “significant” other, but before he started to like me he explain that it wasn’t serious anymore and the only reason she’s significant is because they’ve been friends for a while now and they broke up but they’re trying to stay friends. Now I have met her, but I do not know if she feels the same or whatever. Him and I get along great and really enjoy each others company. I can see myself start to fall for him, but I’m keeping a good eye on it so I don’t get hurt. I just need to know if I would be considered the “other woman”. I believe I should talk to him about, since we’re very open, but I just don’t know how to bring it up. Also, it may be selfish but I don’t really want it to ruin anything in the making but then again I don’t want to be used or hurt. It’s not that I’m jealous either, like I’m fine with anything that makes him happy I just want to make sure I’m completely aware with what’s going on. So if you could help me, that would be so amazing. I’m so confused and conflicted at the moment. I will be awaiting any help, be completely honest and I appreciate any help I can get. I just need some outside opinions, thanks!

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but you’ve asked for an honest opinion so here it is…

If he refers to her as his “significant other” then, yes, you are the other woman and frankly he has told you as much when he says he considers her his “significant other”.

My advice to you would be to stop pursuing this guy and to look for someone who is prepared to make [b]you[/b] their significant other.

More, chances are that if this guy is cheating on his current significant other with you, he’ll cheat on his next significant other too.

[Ethan Morales]

If he calls another woman his “significant other,” you’re playing the role of the other woman until he explicitly changes that. That label matters. Words reveal priorities. You can like him, enjoy his company, and still refuse to be someone’s half-truth. The real risk here isn’t moralizing it’s practical: guys who string one person along while keeping another as “significant” are often keeping their options open. That behavior tends to repeat. If you want something real, don’t gamble on someone who’s already told you where he puts his loyalty.

What to do: ask him directly and force a clear answer. Don’t hint. Don’t test. Say this, plain and steady: “You call her your ‘significant other.’ I need to know exactly what that means for us. Are you exclusive with her, or are we free to be exclusive with each other? If it’s the former, I’m out. If it’s the latter, then I need actions, not just words.”

If he hedges, gives the “it’s complicated” line, or says he’s keeping things open, walk. If he says he’s single now and wants to pursue you, set a short test window e.g., one week of no contact with the other woman and consistent behavior from him and see if he follows through. Words without follow-through mean nothing.

Watch for these red flags: secretive texting, avoidance of meeting you in public, inconsistent stories about her, or him minimizing your boundary-setting. If you catch any of those, assume you’re being strung along. Also watch how quickly he defends you in front of others; people reveal priorities in small public moments.

You don’t have to be the drama or the compromise. You get to be the person who’s chosen outright. If he can’t give that, you don’t owe him your waiting. Want me to write a single-sentence text you can send him to force that answer, or would you rather say it in person?

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