[candiloveseric]

I need some help here. Lets start with : My boyfriend and I are on our second try of this relationship. We were together 8 years ago and it didn’t work out. He cheated on me and left me for a younger woman. They had a child and were on drugs, that didn’t work out. Now we are back together ( almost two years now.) Things are going pretty good, except for the fact he wont quit talking to his ex. He thinks they need to be friendly or he is being rude. Well she calls him while he is at school, and in the evenings to complain about her life. She does not have his child, she never wanted him, we have him. She provides no support and she never comes to see him. The child does not hardly know her. When she calls she is not asking about her child, she is still on drugs and now we have family services in our lives ( again). Am I wrong to ask him not to keep being friends with her? I dont see how she needs to call about her own problems and complain to my boyfriend when she doesn’t even ask about her child. He thinks I am over reacting. He cheated on me with this woman in the past. Am I wrong? Please help! I am about ready to leave over this.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Actually, I think you should leave. You can do a lot better for yourself that this. 🙁 Here’s why:

1. If he can’t quit his ex-girlfriend (with whom he cheated on you in the past) then you should realize he’s just not that into you. He’s not committed to you, and this is not your Mr. Right. His seeing her after cheating on you with her adds insult to injury. This isn’t the behavior of someone who cares for you. 😳

2. If he’s involved with her, and she’s a drug addict, his choices are seriously bad choices. You shouldn’t want to be with someone who makes these bad choices in life. You should want to be with someone who makes GOOD choices. 😉

3. It is wrong for you to ask him not to be friendly with her because they have a child together and so she will always be in his life now. She may not want to be with her son, but he should want her to have a relationship with his son, and it’s his responsibility to go to court and make sure she pays child support. If he’s not willing to do the latter, the burden will fall on him — and if you’re with him, you. 😕

All people bring baggage to a relationship — whether it’s in-laws, crazy work schedules, someone gets sick or has a car accident, etc. — but the trick is to find someone with relationship baggage that is do-able. Bringing a drug addict into your life, under these circumstances, is not going to work out for you. Put yourself first here, and find a Mr. Right who can bring you a happy, healthy life together. This guy isn’t that person.

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