[jovi28]

I recently made an amazing connection with a 20yr friend of my older brother’s. I’m 28 and he’s 35 and the sweetest man ever. Very caring, affectionate constanly even if it’s just a text message.

We started randomly leaving wall posts for each other when he added me to facebook. A couple months later I had a vacation coming up. Two days before I was to go to, I wrote in my status that I wasn’t feeling up to the trip. He left me a message saying he hoped everything was ok. I saw him online and said it wasn’t but had thanked him for asking. We started chatted that night and I told him I had just been diagnosed with MS. He was so caring and supportive, it meant a lot. From that night on we talked about everything under the sun and realized we have an amazing connection. We talked everyday. MSN, texting, emails, phone calls all several times a day everyday. Even when I was away we emailed.

When I got back we started spending more time on the phone and were totally falling for each other. I went to see him for my birthday. Things were amazing to say the least. However, that changed when his jelous cousin his cousin tracked us down and laid a huge guilt trip on my guy saying ” I guess im not important”. ( honeslty r u 5?) His cousin has had a thing for me, but just a sexual attraction. I hadn’t seen him in yrs. He had tried months ago to get me to go for a visit, I said no cause we want different things. When he brought it up again sometime later I told him I was interested in someone and he freaked. He freaked more when I told him who it was. I understood to a point, but even though we kept in touch we hadnt I hadn’t seen him in yrs. Anyway, after a long talk with his cousin, my guy came to me and asked me to go over with him and watch the hockey game (i compromised and said yes)

Then I made him compromise to come to a bon fire with me so I could see old friends. His cousin became insulting and rude to me in front of other people, and naturally I got upset. I asked mu guy to say something to him or I would. This went on for awhile and I warned my guy one more time. When he did nothing I pushed his cousin on the ground and walked off to the truck. This sparked a huge fight between my guy and me and I did something very out of my nature, I slapped him. I felt so hurt that he didn’t stand up for me. He claims he didn’t hear what was said, only saw how I reacted. When my guy said don’t ever hit me again, I slapped him again. He was livid. We got back to cousin’s and had a big fight. Then it was this get out, stay, game for a while. I said I was leaving he said “So that’s what you do when you care about someone you just leave instead of trying to work through it?” he stared me in the face and teared up. I stayed and in the morning he was not feeling well enough to get in to things. He said he was angry, but that it didn’t change how he felt about me. The next day when I got home the text terrorizing started, and he wouldn’t respond. So I started saying I knew he cared, that his tears were really ect. Finally he responded saying I made a fool of him, he was angry and that you can’t slap someone and expect them to take it. I apologized profusly and he said give me a sec to think. A few hrs later I texted again, but no response. So, I started going the other way saying that he didn’t care about me, that he used me and was tossing me aside like garbage. He said I knew that wasn’t true and I was way off base.

I really made him mad, but I also really hurt him when I said he didn’t care about me. A little later I look and he’s deleted me from Facebook and MSN, but didnt block me. Now he’s ignoring me completly. I sent a sincere letter of apology a few days later. I accepted responsiblity and told him I was doing things to ensure it wouldn’t happen again. His cousin deleted me too, but I don’t care about that. They are close and I know his cousin has been filling his head with garbage. (He’s happy he caused a rift.) 5 days ago I sent a text saying apologizing again ect. and said that in my eyes the door to friendship is always open and that I hoped that one day he could reciprocate. That was only a couple days ago. Still no response. I don’t think he believes me, and that he’s giving me the silent treatment to punish me….it’s working. He can be great at sulking for wks at a time. I stepped up to the plate and accepted my part in things and apologized. How am the only one who did any wrong here? I’m so depressed and crying all the time. I do feel terrible, he’s the best thing to ever happen to me. I want to be with him. I’ve never sent a email asking for help like this before, I care about him more then I realized. I feel so bad and have been beating myself up big time, I miss him. We are long distance what do I do how do I prove myself to him?

PS.
He is mad and hurt I know, his pride is bruised. Before this he was offering to come with me to my MRI and other appts. Said he’d be my rock. Talked about being together long term. We were surprised, it was a little fast but 20yrs is a long to know someone. We talked about one of us moving so we could be together, and that that was the goal…to be together. How can he just shut down and forget me if he has feelings and cares and I believe he does. No matter what I know I’ll see him again, as he and my brother are still friends.

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[Ask April Masini]

I need a little clarification from you… In your post you say, “5 days ago I sent a text saying apologizing again ect. and said that in my eyes the door to friendship is always open and that I hoped that one day he could reciprocate.”

Is this guy your friend or your boyfriend?

[jovi28]

He’s my boyfriend, but I sent that text because I really want him in my life and would at least like to be friends. Of course ultimately I do want the relationship back. I wish I could do something special for him to show him how much he means to me, but like I said he’s totally ignoring me.

Thx,

[Ask April Masini]

I suspect that your statement about wanting to remain friends was taken the wrong way. I think that it’s possible that he took it like that’s what you wanted… to be friends, meaning just friends.

Equally, I do not think that using a guilt trip on him (ie: “you never really cared about me”, etc.) is the way to go either. Based upon what you’ve said, you know that’s not true and it makes you appear manipulative and/or insincere.

The truth is, based upon what you’ve told me, that you’ve hurt his pride and ego. You’ve also embarrassed him and hurt his feelings… You need to give him a way to “save face” in taking you back. Your current behavior is likely to exasperate the situation.

My recommendation would be for you to do 3-5 little things for him to demonstrate how special he is (and how sorry you are) in a very non-threatening way over the next few weeks. Perhaps do one special little thing for him every week for a month. For example, bake his favorite cookies and send them to him with a note that says, “I’m so very sorry. I hope you’ll forgive me. I miss you.” (or something like that). Write him an old fashioned love letter and send it SNAIL MAIL. (An email or a text will not have the same effect. This needs to be special and it needs to demonstrate extra effort. More, a hand written card will be saved a reread.). You get the idea….

The bottom-line is you need to go out on a limb and [i][b]he has to feel like you’re putting yourself out on a limb.[/b][/i] On the other hand, [u]do not become a stalker[/u]. Give him some space as you are doing these affectionate and sincere gestures… if he really loves you, I believe he’ll come around.

[jovi28]

Thank you so much April, those are fabulous ideas. It’s been a cpl weeks since I contacted him and I think some of the things you suggested will help. I will let you know how it goes. Thank you very much!!!

[jovi28]

Good news!!!!!!!

We finally talked last night!!!!!! I’m so happy. It’s wasn’t a big conversation, but it’s a start. A mutual friend of ours had emailed him and he said he didn’t know how to get a hold of me since he deleted all my contact info. He said he tried to find me on facebook, but couldn’t (I hide my profile) So i just sent an email saying hey, I heard you tried to find me on fb. What’s up? How are you? Hope you’re great. Well…he responded right away. Asked how I was feeling with the MS, said he hoped I was feeling better and asked how things were. That’s the first time he didn’t just delete the email. Giving him some space defintly worked. I know it’s a baby step, but it’s a step. Before he was ignoring my existance. Here’s hoping to another baby step soon.

[Ask April Masini]

That’s fabulous… Good for you!

[jovi28]

Hi April,

I’m wondering if it would be well recieved to get him a father’s day gift? as I mentioned before we are long distance, but I am going to be in his town for a reunion that weekend. He has two kids 8 and 10 from his marriage that ended five years ago.I responded to his e-mail, but haven’t heard back yet so I’m not sure if I should. Just want to get him something to say happy father’s day, nothing personal. Do you think I should follow through on this idea?

[Ask April Masini]

Yes, I think that’s a terrific idea.

As I mentioned, I even think that doing one small, but very thoughtful thing for him weekly (for a few weeks) will be well received (assuming he really likes you, which I believe he does based upon what you’ve told me).

He needs to feel “safe” in taking you back after what you did to him (ie; embarrassing him and hurting his pride / ego). You doing small but tangible things for him says you’re truly sorry and allows him to “save face” by not taking you back too easily… without you proving you’ve learned your lesson and won’t do something like that again.

[Ethan Morales]

Okay, I’m going to be straight with you. You messed up. Not because you lost your temper, people lose it but because you hit him, twice. That’s a hard line for a lot of people. Pride, embarrassment, and a deep sense of being let down all mix into something that makes him want distance. So yes: your apology matters, but space and time matter even more.

One sincere gesture, then quiet. Your handwritten letter was the right move. That’s the one real, human thing you needed to do. Don’t flood him with texts, emails, cookies, or weekly gifts. Multiple follow-ups look like pressure or manipulation. Send the letter (if you haven’t already), briefly own what you did, say you’re working on it, and that you’ll respect his need for space. That’s it.

Give him real space at least 2–4 weeks. Silence isn’t “punishment” you can fix; it’s time he may need to process hurt and protect himself. If you keep chasing, it confirms for him that boundaries won’t stick. If he wants to come back, he will; if he doesn’t, you’ll have to accept it.

Show change privately, not publicly. Don’t use mutual friends to squeeze him or make him “prove” himself. If you meet him again, let your behavior prove you’ve changed: calm, controlled, accountable. If you show up demanding forgiveness, you’ll push him further.

Reflect and act on the root cause. You slapped him for a reason feeling ignored, unprotected, humiliated. You need to own that and learn other responses. Consider anger management counseling or therapy. Saying “I’m sorry” is visceral; showing you won’t repeat it is practical. That’s what rebuilds trust.

Let him save face. He’s bruised, and pride matters. Your approach should let him step back in without feeling humiliated. That means patient, respectful contact if and when he responds, and letting him set the pace.

Prepare for every outcome. He might come back, slowly. He might not. You need to be ready for either — and be able to respect his choice. If he does come back, don’t treat that as a victory lap; treat it as the beginning of rebuilding, with clear boundaries and proof of change.

If you want, I can draft the exact short letter you should send (three short paragraphs, owns the action, no excuses, offers space). Would you like me to write that now?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

ok listen sweetheart… let me break it down for you 💅🏼 first off, you slapped him. twice. that’s not “hurt feelings,” that’s crossing a hard line, no matter how mad or upset you were. you can apologize until the cows come home, but some things leave a mark and him shutting down and pulling back? that’s him protecting himself. long distance or not, you can’t “prove” yourself by chasing or texting endlessly. right now the best move is to step back, give him space, and actually show through consistent calm behavior that you’ve got your emotions in check. stop trying to control his feelings cause he already cares, but you pushed him to a point where he needs to breathe. let him reach out when he’s ready. meanwhile, work on keeping your cool, because if you don’t, this pattern will just repeat 🔥. lesson here babe is that love isn’t about proving you care by being explosive, it’s about showing it through respect, patience, and stability you know 💋

[PassionSeeker]

Oh, my heart feels this one. You can love someone deeply and still break something between you when anger gets the wheel. April’s kindness makes sense gentle, steady steps, small gestures that say you’re sorry without pushing. Ethan’s words hit too sometimes love needs quiet more than noise. You did the right thing with your letter; that’s your olive branch. But now, let time breathe. He’s hurt, and pride doesn’t heal fast.

If he meant what he said about being your rock, that part of him is still in there. But no one can hear an apology when they’re still burning inside. So let your actions speak when words can’t. Be calm, stay kind, keep working on yourself. He’ll notice even if he doesn’t say it.

And maybe, just maybe, this silence isn’t punishment it’s space for both of you to grow before you try again. Love isn’t gone; it’s just waiting for trust to catch up.

[Marcus king]

It sounds like you’re in a bit of a tricky situation. His responses to you have been warm, and you’ve shared some enjoyable moments together, but the fact that he’s not initiating contact could be a sign of caution on his part, especially given that he’s going through a divorce. Emotional readiness can be complicated after such life changes, and he may be hesitant to dive into something more before sorting through his own feelings and situation.

It’s important to listen to your gut, but also manage your expectations. His reluctance to initiate doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not interested in you, it might just mean that he’s not in the right headspace to pursue something more right now. It’s also possible that he enjoys the connection but is unsure about crossing into romantic territory maybe out of fear of complicating things or because he’s not sure where he stands.

At this point, you have a couple of options: continue being open and patient, but also protect your emotional investment. If you’re not getting the clarity you need, consider being direct and asking him about where he sees the relationship going. Let him know that you’re not looking for a just friends situation if that’s not what you want, and that you’d appreciate some honesty. Sometimes, a little clarity can save you from spending too much time waiting for something that might never develop into more. Ultimately, you deserve someone who is as invested in you as you are in them.

[Sally]

Yeah, April’s right. You can’t rebuild trust without giving someone space to feel safe again. Those small, sincere gestures she suggested aren’t just sweet, they’re strategic. Love needs room to breathe

[Flirt Coach]

I can tell you’re hurting, and I don’t blame you. What you’re feeling makes sense the guilt, the confusion, the heartbreak. You went from something that felt like a real connection to total silence, and that kind of sudden cut-off messes with your head. Especially when it comes after someone who made you feel safe, cared for, and seen.

You said something important in your letter that you did something out of character. That’s a big thing to admit, and I give you credit for owning it. Not everyone has the guts to do that. No matter how emotional or provoked the moment was, when you crossed that line and hit him, you broke something that trust alone can’t easily fix. I don’t say that to make you feel worse. I say it because healing starts with facing what actually happened.

I’ve been on the receiving end of someone’s anger before and I’ve also been the one who lost my temper and said things I couldn’t take back. Once that happens, people shut down. They go quiet not to punish you, but because they don’t know how to feel safe again. He’s probably torn between caring for you and not trusting that it won’t happen again.

Right now, chasing him, texting, apologizing over and over that won’t help. Every message just keeps the wound open. What he needs is space. Real space. The kind that isn’t filled with “I’m sorry” but with time and quiet. If he still cares and I think he does he’ll come around when he’s ready. But only if he feels the change, not just hears about it.

And you need to take care of yourself too. That guilt you’re carrying can eat you alive if you let it. Use it for something better. Get help to understand why you reacted like that. Learn how to manage that kind of pain before it takes over again. That’s how you prove yourself not through begging for forgiveness, but by becoming the version of you that won’t ever have to apologize for crossing that line again.

I don’t think he’s forgotten you. But I do think he’s protecting himself right now. And maybe that’s what both of you need time apart to cool the fire before anything burns down for good.

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