[Abby88]

I’m looking for advice. I’ve been with my partner officially for almost over a year. We now live together and have been for just about 6 months.

There is one person in our circle of friends and aquaintences that I am threatened by. I can’t seem to trust him around her at all even though she is in a secure relationship with her partner and they have made it public they are getting married. They seem so wonderful together, they truly do and she is actually a really great person. Yet when she’s around my partner I don’t think I can not be around them. I feel like they have a close relationship as friends that I don’t have as a girlfriend. I don’t know why I feel this way about only one person rather than other females around. Just her. She makes me insecure. I feel as though when we are out together I need to be around him because I dont like it when just the two of them talk. Even if it’s about me! (good things)

I fight with him occasionally, making up excuses as to why I’m angry when really I just want to say it’s her! I let it slip once that it seems that she flirted with him after I had a few drinks and he looked at me sternly and said that was not true at all. Yet, he seems to always brighten up when she’s around or when she’s expected to come aruond. Perhaps they really are just very good friends and I am having problems with that. Maybe I am resentful because I don’t have a male friend that I am close to and can have fun with. I would never want him to not be friends with her, I don’t want to control him. I want to feel secure though and be able to turn my back and leave a room without wondering what’s happening. She is beautiful and funny and our personalities are so simalier. I can see why they get along so well. I wish I could be close friends with her because of this === she reminds me of friends I have. Yet I can’t get passed my own feelings and behaviour. It disgusts me and disapoints me. I dont know how to solve this and have had thoughts of leaving him so it is just out of my way all together…that’s how much its affected me. That’s how low I have made my own self esteem about the situation. I need to get passed it because I truly want to believe there is nothing to worry about. He would not be with me if he had feelings for someone else. He would not open his life to me knowing he wanted it to be someone else! ITs me he’s chosen and I want to be grateful for this.

Why have I made it so difficult? Why must I find everything else to blame including myself….I don’t want to tell him how I feel when they are together…because I’m afriad it’s really just very childish and stupid.

Greatly confused and seeking help…please advise.

[tricia]

You should trust your boyfriend. You seems to be so insecure over that girl, then let you boyfriend know regarding your feelings. He might consider your feelings and stay away on that girl for you. Keep in mind that “TRUST” should always be present on every relationship.

[relation]

Do you feel confident enough that if you reveal your real thoughts to your Boyfriend, he will be able to understand your thoughts and support you to come out of it.

If you share this viewpoint, then go on in confiding yourself…

[Ask April Masini]

You should trust your instincts. If you don’t trust this woman with your boyfriend, then I would pay attention to your feelings. If you’re uncomfortable when she is around your boyfriend, but you don’t feel that way when other women are around your boyfriend, then you’re probably not wrong in feeling wary.

That said, you don’t have to act on your feelings. Lots of times people get the idea that just because they have a feeling, they need to stop traffic, announce how they feel and act on it. Not true. Sometimes it’s enough to acknowledge your feelings and sit in them. Discomfort isn’t pleasant, but it can be a place where you can learn a lot about yourself.

Be careful not to get into a fight with your boyfriend by accusing him of doing something he hasn’t, like cheating on you, with this girl. You can tell him how you feel when this other woman is around the two of you — that you feel left out and like a second class citizen, and you wish that maybe he could take your hand or put his arm around you when he’s talking to her. This might make you feel more secure, while allowing him to talk to this girl, while showing her that he belongs to you by his body language. Something as simple as that gesture may solve the problem. And if he does go along with this, thank him and reward him!

Just don’t back your boyfriend into a corner and put him on the defensive when you discuss this with him. If he feels blamed, he’s going to get defensive on you. But if he feels like you’re sharing feelings and asking him to help you with a problem, then he may feel like this is something he can fix, and men love fixing things because then they’re the hero.

[Anonymous]

The best advice I’ve ever read. Thanks for sharing. I am hoping for more posts like this one.
Regards,
[url=http://www.resumesplanet.com]resume writer[/url]

[Ask April Masini]

Gee, thanks! Glad you liked my advice. 😀

[Author]

Posts