[BT98]

I went out with a girl twice despite the fact her friend had feelings for me first, Things went well for two and a half months or so and after an argument, we made up for two days before she told me she didn’t want to speak because it would hurt her friendships after her friend found out we saw each other twice. Through a mutual friend I found out that if I were to go out with the girl I liked any longer, she would be shunned by all of her friends. It’s been about three weeks or so since I talked to the girl I like and I still speak to her friend a little bit, but not much. The last time we spoke did not go well I want to go back to speaking to her but I really don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything from trying to have a group conversation between the three of us and nothing has worked. I don’t want to hurt her friendships, but her friend has been incredibly selfish and I’m paying the price because of it. I know she made her choice but I don’t think she had to make a choice. Anything I can do to try and mend this?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good question. In life there are choices, and your now-ex has made a choice that you don’t like. Because you’re 18 and she’s 17 (thanks for the pre-posting questionnaire information), she’s probably more in tune with her peers, as a teenager, than she may be later in life when she has more experiences and more opportunities to understand that friends are important, but not at the expense of their being selfish. The cost to her for focusing on her girl code is that she’s losing out on a great guy (that would be you!). Don’t be surprised if she figures this out down the line and isn’t quite sure how to get your attention again. In fact, if you back off and live your life, you may find that she starts flirting with you again to try and get your interest back, realizing her mistake.

So, give this time and space — and be open to her figuring out that what she decided wasn’t the best decision she could have made, or even the last decision on this issue she may make. And if it was…. then she’s not the one for you. 😉

[Sundus]

Look, that girl has already made her choice. When someone drops you just because of ‘social status’ or to keep their friends happy, they are showing you exactly how little they value you. Have enough self-respect to stop begging for a spot in her life.
April was absolutely right that you need to give her space and enjoy your life. She might finally realize what she’s missing and start flirting with you again to get your attention back.

[Cassian Rowe]

Your bond with her seems genuine, but social dynamics are about to change. Sometimes, people force their choices to protect friendships and end up paying a painful price. You have already tried with patience, but it’s time to avoid these things which lose your respect for forever. You need to make one thing clear that you can maintain your intensions and honesty but you can’t control someone else’s fear and selfishness.
Focus on your side like respect about your emotions, deal with a patience and make your boundaries. She will reach out if she becomes ready and can balance her priorities.

[Member]

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