[iaj32]

My boyfriend and I had been together for six years and decided to move in together about a year and a half ago. We had a great relationship and were very happy together for the majority of our time together, but living together had put a huge strain on things. It got to the point where we were doing nothing but arguing and he started to get really mean and I’d constantly be stressed and upset. As a result, I’d be mean back and I said some really hurtful things that I now regret.

We had a huge argument (that stemmed from something stupid) last week and I told him I hated him and wanted him out, that I didn’t care whether he lived or died but I never wanted to see him again. I went away to see my parents for a few days and when I got back, all of his stuff was gone. He left me bill money and a letter saying that he’s sorry for all of the pain he’s caused me, that he’ll always remember the great times we had together and that he hopes I accomplish everything I want in life and find happiness.

I know this is all for the best, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. There is a sense of relief in one way but I’m feeling incredibly guilty too. I know there were a lot of times when my temper got the best of me, times when I put other things before him, and times when I said really hurtful things to him when I was angry and hurt myself. He treated me well for years, always helped me financially, even helped me buy a car, and I almost feel like I owe him an apology and explanation for my behavior. I’m not sure if this is a good idea or if it would be a better idea to just cut off any contact with him. What do you think would be best?

[AskApril Masini]

You’ve just gone through a big transition, and you’re not quite out of it yet. Give yourself some time and space to process what happened before you contact him, if you contact him. Right now you’re both raw, and you admittedly have a tendency to be impulsive, so sitting still and being uncomfortable, is going to be new to you — and important.

On one hand you talk about the break as if it was based on something stupid and that you were impulsive. On the other hand you’ve been together for six years, lived together for over a year and the tension leading up to the break didn’t happen overnight, so I’m not sure that what you did was a bad thing. It might have been the right thing. But right now, you need to be quiet and think about what happened and how you can avoid it in your next relationship.

If you decide to contact him in a week or a month, that’s entirely appropriate and probably better than if you contact him now while you’re both still smarting from the break.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[Member]

Posts