[luego87]

This is long and I’m sorry but I had to get every detail. I will appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and reply. I really need some advice. I’m hurting pretty badly.

I had been dating my boyfriend for 4 1/2 months. We are both 19 years old (I turn 19 in 2 weeks) and we’ve known eachother for 8 months but we took everything really slowly and he we dated for a few weeks before he asked me to be his girlfriend. I didn’t know if he liked me bc he took things so slow but then he finally showed that he did. He plays hockey which is year round with few breaks. For the first 3 months we had spent a lot of time together which I know is called the “honeymoon phase”.
One night last month I was feeling kind of sad about how he wouldn’t have much time starting September and I just wanted him to make me feel better about it. So, I asked him if he thought wed make it through his season thinking he’d have a positive answer. He was honest and said he really didn’t know bc there would be times where he didnt have a free weekend for weeks at a time. How we weren’t seeing eachother much in the summer got brought up and we got in a little argument but blew it off bc we were going to six flags the next day with friends.
The issue never got brought up because when we were together everything was fine. But also the past month ever since we had that talk we’ve drifted apart. We tried having sex about 2 months ago and he gets so nervous bc hes still a virgin that he couldn’t get hard. We tried for a week straight but never happened. I cared so much about him that I said that I was willing to wait til hes ready. What concerned me was it was already 5 months in and he hadnt gone to the doctor or anything about it and he said it happened with 2 other girls.
Then 4 days ago I got upset bc he made up an excuse that he couldnt hang out and that he would see me in 2 days after his practice. I could tell something was up so I continued asking about it. He then told me that he did not want to spend all of his free time with me and had no desire to be with me anymore. He said that his feelings had changed and he had no intention of breaking up til we started arguing that day. What puzzled me was how we saw eachother the day before and HE insisted I came over for dinner with his whole family and then we ended the night cuddling and making out very sensually everything was so good I actually went home really happy. Then the next day he decides to break up with me! If his feelings changed I understand but he broke up through texting and I’m so confused bc he wont even meet in person to talk about it. He says it will have the same outcome he doesn’t see the point. I still care about him and I wasn’t ready for our relationship to end over this! I started questioning everything like maybe he was gay…. His gay best friend is ALWAYS around and I’m not the type of person to judge so I didn’t question this until now esp thinking about the sex issue. Idk how I should handle this. Should I wait it out/move on or should I try to maybe call him in a week or two? Idk if his feelings really did change or not and it hurts bc the last time I even saw him OR heard his voice it was saying he loved me L its extremely hard to get over it.

[AskApril Masini]

I’m sorry you’re hurt. It’s understandable. But he is being very clear with you now that he doesn’t want to be with you any more. He wasn’t very graceful about things, and clearly, he has some internal conflicts that are unresolved, and as long as they’re unresolved you — or whomever he’s with — is going to bear the brunt of his own conflicts. It’s always better to have your own head and heart clear before you get involved with someone else.

It sounds like you wanted a serious, monogamous relationship with him, and he wasn’t ready for a commitment. He was definitely testing the waters by inviting you to dinner with his family, and behaving in other ways that boyfriends do, but he felt caged in by your “talk” about the future of the relationship. I know you were anxious about the future, but it’s never a good idea to have “the talk” with a man. It rarely ends well. While you are not alone in wanting a commitment, there is a natural rhythm to relationships that most women don’t understand. I don’t think you’re too young to read Think & Date Like A Man, that you can download here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You’ll get a much better idea of how to be successful in relationships and how men operate in them, as well, by reading Think & Date Like A Man.

Whenever you’re dating someone in the beginning (which is the first few months) it should be understood that things may go one way or another. When you expressed your anxiety you made him uncomfortable and he did not like feeling that way more than he liked being with you. 🙁 That’s why he broke up with you.

His sexual issues are definitely of concern, but they aren’t the main concern here. The problem is he’s broken up with you and you’re sad. What you can do to remedy that feeling is to focus on the positive aspects of your life. Get out there and exercise, go shopping, organize your closet, get ready for school, join a club, volunteer — stay busy and social so you nourish yourself. Read Date Out of Your League and see where you may have gone wrong and what you can do next time to take the right path in relationships. And let me know how it goes.

Please join me on Facebook as well — I’d love to have you as a member. Here’s that link: [url][/url]. 🙂

[jackfergusion]

You have really unpredictable problem because of your boyfriend and I am feeling bad for you. Your boyfriend have no interest in you because he is not serious for your relationship. So it would be better that you leave him before he leave you so he might be realise his mistake.

[AskApril Masini]

The advice [b]Jackfergusion[/b] gave you is good advice. 🙂 If you leave him, maybe he will take his issues more seriously. I hope that helps. Let us know how things go.

And join me on Facebook! Here’s that link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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