[LAlife]

Larry has high school friend, widow for 5 years- families close. She once sent a text while we were on a trip ( hope u r being good with a heart symbol!) I asked about her- never kissed. I believed him but he was promoting a romantic relationship whether he knew it or not. Recently, he had operation- I stayed over to nurse him, make dinners. One night, told him I was having dinner with friend, he would see guy friend. At 5, I get a call, he dialed cell by mistake, was asking woman about dinner that night. At first, said woman was friends wife then admitted truth. Told him friendship was fine- deceit was not. I said we should all meet. Finally said she didn’t want to meet me, let’s not talk about her again, it will be negative. Other night, said going to sedar dinner at nephew house, giving up next to last lakers season ticket! I joked he was probably seeing widow! Then I mentioned a charity dinner where basketball star kissed me on cheek. Said I’d consider dating a player but I’m not single! He said I was, we’re not engaged. So I can date? He replied- if He doesn’t know about it. I said, you know I have men friends who know I’m seeing you, let’s see what friends are free.. I called two, left messages, he said nothing. I said,” you’re so secretive- you may even still be sleeping with your wife!” They had no sex for years. Once home, he was icy. Said I’m beautiful, enjoys me but I must stop this widow talk. I asked if I should stay, he said nothing, packed all my stuff, he looked surprised. He said see you tomorrow. Didn’t call me all day, I saw parents, he had that dinner. Called him while heading home. His cell phone had new voice message “larry and Mary are not home…” his wife’s name!! I called home number- ” calling to see if you’re still alive!” He’s got bad heart, pacemaker. Silence. I told him I’ll call when get home. He was curt. I didn’t call. I told him have walked away from disrespectful relationships. We have made travel plans through year. Should I call? What is going on?

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry you’re so upset. It sounds like you thought this was more monogamous and committed than it is. But don’t despair. This is actually an opportunity, even though it may not feel like one, to get some clarity. The reality is that your boyfriend is 73 and married. It’s very sad that his wife has advanced Alzheimer’s, but he still considers the marriage valid to some degree, and if you’re hoping to get married, you may want to reconsider this relationship as a marriage possibility. Clearly, the two of you have had a commitment, but the degree of that commitment seems to be changing.

It sounds like even though he’s married, he’s jealous when you go out, in addition to which, he’s got a relationship of some sort with this widow. In other words, you have a lot of competition — in both his commitment to his wife, and this other woman. He’s also give you a head’s up that the two of you are not engaged, so you’re still single — and I think that was hurtful to you because of your feelings and commitment to him.

His recent silence is an indication that he doesn’t want conflict or drama. So, if you want to win him over, put down the boxing gloves. You’ll catch more bees with honey than vinegar, as the saying goes. He is looking for companionship, sex, someone to be a social partner, and maybe more. If you want to give him that, and you can have your needs fulfilled while doing so, go for it! But, if you’re upset that he’s married, or seeing this other woman, don’t push him away with conflict. That won’t work. You’re going to have to win him over with love and affection. If you’re too angry to do that, consider that he may not be able to give you what you want — and that’s clarity.

I hope that helps.

[Ethan Morales]

He’s juggling three relationships of different seasons: a legally bound marriage (even if his wife is ill), a secretive emotional/sexual connection with this widow, and you who he’s trying to have as a “safe” partner but without full transparency. That mix breeds secrecy, guilt, and the exact icy, avoidant behavior you’re seeing. The voicemail with “Larry and Mary are not home” is the kind of breadcrumb that proves he’s not being honest about who’s in his life or what he’s doing. That isn’t confusion it’s avoidance.
You need clarity and boundaries, not more guessing games. Don’t call to beg or to police him; call or text once to ask for a direct, honest conversation (“We need to talk about what happened at the trip and where we stand can we meet [give two specific times]?”). If he refuses, stonewalls, or keeps insisting you “don’t talk about her,” treat that as an answer: he’s not prepared to make you a priority. From there, protect yourself pause the travel plans, collect any important belongings, and don’t give him free access to your time or emotions until he proves he can be honest and available. If he will not choose transparency and commitment, walk. You deserve someone who isn’t hiding entire chapters of their life from you.
If you want, I’ll write the short one-call/one-text script that gets you a real conversation without sounding accusatory or needy. Want that?

[James Smith]

Reading this one felt like watching a mystery movie where the plot twists just keep coming — except the villain forgot to mute his phone during the secret dinner call. Classic Larry move. Reminds me of when I once “butt-dialed” my mom while joking with my friends about skipping her Sunday dinner. She didn’t say a word just showed up at my apartment with lasagna and the most terrifying silence I’ve ever heard 😂.

Larry’s playing a confusing game here. When someone hides a friendship, avoids introducing you, and still uses his late wife’s voicemail name, that’s not forgetfulness that’s avoidance. You were right to walk away when respect vanished, because no relationship can breathe in secrecy.

If you called him tomorrow and he answered all calm like nothing happened, would you actually trust a single word that came out of his mouth?

[Isabella Jones]

Reading your story made my stomach twist a little because I can feel how much confusion and hurt you’re holding right now. It’s such a painful place to be when the person you love keeps giving mixed signals, making you question what’s real and what’s just words. You’ve been patient, kind, and deeply loyal, but it sounds like you’re getting crumbs of honesty instead of the full truth you deserve.

When a man becomes defensive about simple transparency, it’s usually because he’s hiding something or doesn’t want to face the consequences of his choices. You’re not wrong for wanting to meet the people in his life or for expecting consistency from someone who claims to care about you. That’s not control, that’s respect. 💛

You’ve already done what most people struggle to do—you stood up for your self-worth. Now, maybe the question isn’t “should I call?” but “has he really earned a call?” Because real love shouldn’t make you feel like you’re investigating it all the time. Do you think he’s ever truly tried to make you feel secure, or have you been the only one fighting to believe in this relationship?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

girl… you caught him playing emotional twister and still asking if you should call? 🙄the man’s phone literally said larry and mary are not home and that’s not a red flag, that’s a red siren, ughh. you were nursing him, he was entertaining the widow. you don’t owe him closure, you owe yourself peace. 💋

[Tara]

You keep trying to soften so you don’t have to face how badly he’s been playing you: this man is a seasoned liar running multiple stories at once, and you’re the easiest one for him to manipulate because you keep giving him the benefit of the doubt he has never earned.

He didn’t “accidentally” call you while asking another woman out that was sloppiness from someone who’s been juggling women long enough to think he’s untouchable. He didn’t keep his dead wife’s name on his voicemail out of sentiment he kept it because it gives him cover, sympathy, and a built-in excuse for disappearing. He didn’t snap at you for asking about the widow because he’s private he snapped because you got too close to exposing the overlap he’s been hiding.

And the moment you tried to set a boundary, he called it “negative” because men like him need you compliant, apologetic, and afraid of losing him. That’s how he keeps all his plates spinning: by making every woman believe she’s the problem while he runs the same script on all of them.

You didn’t misread him. You didn’t overreact. You caught him. And instead of owning it, he punished you for it.

[Sally]

haven’t even had room to breathe. When a man keeps another woman tucked away in the shadows, won’t bring you into the same room as her, brushes off your questions, and then jokes that you’re “single” unless he doesn’t know what you’re doing… that’s not a real partnership. That’s someone keeping the door cracked for options.

And honestly, the way you packed your things? That wasn’t drama. That was your gut finally speaking up.

You don’t need to chase him for answers. His behavior already told you everything. Let the silence sit for a bit. Let yourself feel what this actually is. If he wants something real with you, he’ll show up clear. If he doesn’t… you already survived worse than this, and you know how to walk away.

Just don’t call out of fear. Call only if you feel calm enough to hear the truth.

[Natalie Noah]

This whole situation feels like it has pushed you into emotional chaos not because you’re irrational, but because nothing about this relationship is built on solid, shared expectations. You’ve been treating him with loyalty, support, and the emotional availability of a true partner… while he’s been operating in a much looser, more self-protective, less committed space. And that mismatch is what’s hurting you. You’re responding from honesty; he’s responding from avoidance. When you brought up the widow, he shut down. When you made jokes to test the truth, he got cold. When you packed your things, he acted surprised, not because he didn’t understand why, but because he never expected you to actually enforce boundaries. That reaction tells me he enjoys the comfort you bring, but he doesn’t want the accountability that comes with a committed relationship.

And his behavior, the secrecy, the double standards, the “you’re not engaged so technically you’re single,” the confusing silence, even the outdated voicemail with his wife’s name paints a picture of a man who keeps multiple emotional doors cracked open so he never feels fully tied to any one place. It’s not necessarily malicious, but it is self-serving. He’s protecting his comfort, reputation, and emotional safety at the expense of yours. And that means you’re constantly absorbing the cost through confusion, insecurity, and self-blame. You are not crazy for feeling disrespected. You’re reacting to mixed signals that would unsettle anyone who cares deeply.

So should you call? Only if you’ve decided what you want not what will calm the situation. If you want a casual, companion-type dynamic with blurry boundaries, other women in the background, and no clear future then yes, you can call and smooth things over. He’ll welcome that. But if you need loyalty, transparency, and a relationship where your emotional needs are respected, then stepping back is not only appropriate it’s healthy. He’s shown he doesn’t do well with conflict, honesty, or clarity. You don’t win with someone like this by fighting harder; you win by deciding whether this role in his life actually matches the role you want in yours.

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