I have been friends with my boyfriend for approx 2 years and have been involved romantically for about 8 months of those 2 years. when we first starting dating, our situation was pretty complicated (ex spouses) and he would push me away and pull me back repeatedly. i told him to stop waffling, or he’d loose me for good. since i was dumped by him so many times in the beginning, i was always full of insecurities that’d he’d always drop that bomb on me at any time. i’m sure my behaviour reflected these feelings. anyway, i noticed he was doing a lotof ‘rubber banding’ (per the books i’ve read), but i thought we were doing alright until his (grown) son suffered a VERY serious medical crisis at the begining of this year. Boyfriend seemed to fall apart over this and totally shut down to me. I was okay with this cause he was dealing with alot. I left him alone mostly during this time, to deal with his son, but did my best to chime into him and let him know i was available for him when he was ready. They are still working on some issues, but he will be okay and has long been out of the hosptial. Last week, i dropped by to visit and asked him if the real reason he’s so unavailable right now is because of his kid, or if he’s intentially distancing him self (ie using this as an opportunity to get me to walk away) he said he wasn’t but that nothing in his life is good right now (i guess including me) and that he needs to worry about his kid right now. i said, that’s great, i get that. i told him i would like to be patient and be there when he comes out of this asked if thats what he wanted from me. he wouldn’t answer except that he said he has no idea how long this will take and what he’s even going to be like when its over and that i cant expect things to be the same again. i’ve initated my ‘no contact rule’ just to calm down and think and let him think too…but he hasn’t contacted me at all either. as a side note, his kid’s going to be okay…there just a lot of emotional trauma thats came out of it. Also, he as only been in one serious relationship with his ex wife. He is also a big time ‘cave dweller’. advice? should i just move on or try to repair this. i’m tired of the push and pull. but i really love this guy and can see him as a good long term partner.
