[Brownbear]

Hello April,
In short I have been in a relationship for over 4 years now with this gal. We have definitely had our ups and downs, but anymore I find myself wanting out of the relationship. I don’t love her like I used to and i know I still care for her but not enough it seems. Here’s my issue we currently rent its our second place together and our lease isn’t up for 8 months or so. Our landlord won’t allow us to have someone buy out the remainder of the lease and I already take care of the bills plus half the rent so I would be stretched to thin to find another place. Due to past occurrences I just don’t know how civilized it could be for us to be living in the same house after I would break things off. Last time she was dumped another long relationship she told me she contemplated suicide (should’ve been a red flag there but I was young and dumb as they say, figured I could fix it all) I have been seriously considering going to a therapist to try and get some outside unbiased opinions, because I know my friends while they are tolerant of her don’t see why I’m with her. If you or anyone could shed some light on the matter and maybe suggest a viable option it would be greatly appreciated.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re asking for legal advice, if I’ve got this right.

You want to break up with your girlfriend, but you’re living with her, so there is property and a lease to contend with. My advice is to break up with her and then together, try and work out a moving out plan. If the landlord won’t allow you to sublet, the question then becomes, who’s name is on the lease — yours and hers? Or just yours? That’s who is responsible for the remaining eight months on your lease. See if you can work out the moving out process first. If you can’t, you might want to talk to an attorney.

As for her previous suicide attempt, you should probably contact her physician and her family after you break up with her if you have any concerns about her safety. Just because she attempted suicide once doesn’t mean she’ll do it again, and if she does, remember that she needs professional help, so call the police or a local hospital and they’ll help her in ways you can’t.

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[Brownbear]

I guess yes I was asking for bit of legal advice but also how to go about ending things. We both are on the lease and we would not be allowed to sublet. As far as furniture and things I would let her have most of it as I am military wont have room for a lot of it when I report back since I will be in the single officer barracks. I guess I’m also. asking what to say or how to keep from crushing her. Its wierd for me because generally I am a very blunt and straightforward but I find myself horrible at communicating in our relationship. In fact I hate discussing problems but outside of the relationship I always face conflict head on.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well, I’m not a lawyer, but it sounds like the two of you entered a contract together with your landlord, and you have eight months left on the lease, so you need to honor it. That said, there are options.

First, you have to break up with your girlfriend. The best thing you can do is to be straightforward with her. You’re going to hurt her — there’s no way around that, so be kind and civil and tell her it’s you, not her, but that you’re very sure that the two of you have no future together. Then, you have to figure out together, since you’re both on the lease, what you want to do for the next eight months.

Here are some options:

1. You can live together in the home until the lease is up. If you do, then put your dating life on hold for eight months. Or, you can date, but do it out of the house and on the down low so she’s not insulted or further hurt.

2. You can move out, but still pay your half of the rent. She can do the same.

3. You can both move out and pay your landlord the balance of the rent (8 months worth) but forfeit the right to live there.

4. You tell the landlord what happened and ask him if he’ll let you move out early for an agreed upon settlement price — maybe six months instead of eight months of the rent, etc.

I hope this helps. Please let me know how things go, and you can follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link:[url][/url]. 😀

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