[Scarlet]

Thanks for that advice….I followed it and it must have helped because he sent me a 3 paragraph email response one of which has lots of little questions. I’d answer them all, but I’ve read that women need to be a little mysterious at first and not tell their life stories. Besides, we haven’t even met!

So, here is the paragraph with the questions:

So, tell me more about yourself. Where are you originally from? Where did you grow up? What does a day in the life of S look like? What types of activities do you enjoy doing? Or maybe, what types of activities do you have time for? If you are comfortable with sharing, I would like to hear about your work. OK, that’s enough for now as I don’t want to overload you with too many questions. I promise, any questions you answer I’ll answer……..a two-way street.

How should I respond? Thanks again! 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

Don’t answer [i]all[/i] his questions — honestly, some of them, like where you’re from, aren’t really necessary to figure out if you’re compatible or not. He’s just trying to get conversation going, and see what you’re comfortable revealing. Your work is a great one to let him know about, briefly. Re-read the questions, and then let him know a little bit about yourself, and ask him one or two of any deal breaker questions you have. 😉

You’re right to be coy so he wants to know more, but give him enough to decide if he wants to see more of you (and vice versa). 😉

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[Scarlet]

Good news is that we’ve exchanged several emails and so far so good. Good rapport and interestingly, we are from the state, although neither of us live in that state anymore. Something major in common which portends well for cultural compatibility.

My question is how do I get him to take things up a notch – from the online dating website email to real life – real email, texting, phone number, whatever?

We live about 2 hours apart, each way, so I can understand some degree of protracted communication before taking the leap to meeting in person, but still.

Here’s how ended his latest email before closing:

“As promised, question answered. I’m ready for your next one.”

How do you suggest I respond? I don’t want to ask a bunch of questions that sound like an interview. Rather, I want to encourage him to take it up a notch – ask for my personal email, phone number of something!

[Ask April Masini]

You can say, “When are you going to take me to dinner?” — with a wink. Or, “When am I going to get the benefit of all your charms in person?” 😎

Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Scarlet]

I lost the nerve to hint for a date when he hasn’t even asked for my phone number or personal email. So, instead I continued and asked some other question.

I made sure I sent it last night since today is Valentine’s Day and I didn’t want to deal with whether or not to mention it.

This morning he sent me an email which made no mention of valentine’s or even communicating off the website. He answered my so-so question and ended with:

[b][i]OK, your turn as I want to know more about you. What does a typical day in the life of S___with h, a, and n look like? Hey, I just answered 2 questions!!!! Your second question……….What do you like to do at the beach?

I hope your day goes well.[/i][/b]

What do you think? What’s up with this? Is he ever going to move from the dating site to real life – a phone call at least?!

[Scarlet]

Update – we exchanged emails again. I keep wanting him to initiate direct contact without having to hint – guys usually ask for my number after this many exchanges! We live 2 hours apart. But still. So last thing is that ge guessed my name, then said that he says he wants to know more about me, so I should ask and answer my own question! What’s up with that? Us there a clever way to use the opportunity to move things forward? Like, question for S – what’s my phone number? 123-456-7890! Or what’s my direct email? [email protected]. Is that too forward?

[Scarlet]

I went ahead and sent the email as I suggested givying him my email address because I was tired of thinking about it and thought – what if giving him my direct email isn’t the rules – so what?! I just don’t have time for all this!

Which makes me wonder – is my disgust at this whole process good or bad?

I saw where he looked at my profile today before I responded as I suggested – I prefer to be pursued! Why don’t men just pursue? Is my disgust healthy or not?

[Ask April Masini]

That’s fine that you didn’t take my advice…. but now you’re unhappy and coming back to me for more advice 😮 ! 😕 Reconsider what I suggested you do.

Your disgust is a signal that [i]you’re[/i] doing things you’re disgusted at. 😉 It’s not [u]really[/u] at him, it’s at yourself. You’re upset that you’re engaging a man who isn’t pursuing you, and rather than simply giving him the opportunity to pursue you, or moving on, you’re doing things you’d rather not be doing. And now you’re disgusted — at yourself. When people get angry at others, it’s usually misdirected anger. The truth is that they’re usually angry at themselves, not the person they’re heaping their feelings on.

The beauty of online dating sites is that there are lots of people to choose from. When you invest too much in one person, and that person turns out to be a bad investment of your time and energy, the best thing you can do is stop trying to make him someone he isn’t, and break your own patterns 😉 So, instead of trying to get him to change — go for the easier and healthier route, and change yourself. 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[Scarlet]

Does this mean I should stop communicating with him? He sent me a direct email promptly so at least we’re offsite, but it’s just more chat. He has yet to even ask for my phone number. So my options are, as I see them, 1) continue email correspondence which could go on forever 2) try to push it forward again (against my nature), 3) give up and stop corresponding with him until he asks me for a date. Which do you suggest? Is there a “plan D” I’m missing?

[Ask April Masini]

Here’s the advice I gave you last week, that you didn’t take. 😳

[quote]You can say, “When are you going to take me to dinner?” — with a wink. Or, “When am I going to get the benefit of all your charms in person?” 😎 [/quote]

If you still don’t want to take that advice, then my suggestion is that you only respond to him every other week. That way you’re not invested too much in what’s become merely an internet-only relationship. 😉 If after three months of corresponding he hasn’t asked you out on a date, then move on completely. 🙂

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b]

[Scarlet]

So I finally went out on a date with the guy I wrote about (Joel) last Saturday night. He sent me a text the next day saying he had a good time and making a little joke. I responded in kind. It’s Thursday and I haven’t heard a thing since. Am I right to write him off at this point?

Also, I went out with another guy I met on line (Jay) the night before (last Friday night). Jay texted Sunday and Monday and called Tuesday night. Nothing Wednesday.

Am I right to do nothing with regard to each – to only respond if contacted?

Thanks

[Ask April Masini]

Yes! 😉

Not contacting them doesn’t mean writing them off. Big difference. You’ve had a couple of first dates. Don’t invest so much energy in them when you’re not on them. 🙂 Focus on meeting 20 new guys each day — smiling, flirting, being open to good possibilities. That way you’ll be investing in your future without obsessing on your recent first date, and needing to have have closure after just one date. 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[Scarlet]

I wish I could meet 20 new guys a day! How can a single mother who works full time meet 20
(single) guys a day?

One way I’m trying is on-line dating. A guy just wrote me and asked me whether I enjoy the dating game. The truth is “not since high school and college undergrad!” But, of course, I can’t say that.

So what is a good answer to such a question? He asked me a few others about my work, so maybe it is not heavy on his mind and I could ignore the question. On the other hand, if I could come up with a clever answer, perhaps I could use it to my advantage and turn the question on him?

Any advice, especially a suggested response, would be most welcome.

Thanks

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]I wish I could meet 20 new guys a day! How can a single mother who works full time meet 20
(single) guys a day?[/quote]

I’m not sure how old your child or children are, but you can meet men at the playground, at your children’s’ schools, at sports events that you take your kids to, at the coffee shop, at the grocery store, at the gas station, at the dry cleaner’s, at the department store, in the mall — should I go on? 🙂 If you want to — you can, and if you want to find Mr. Right, you have to play the numbers game — which I talk about a lot in my book. 😉

Get back out there and meet those 20 new guys a day. Just talk to them, smile, flirt — you can do it. 😉 Being successful at dating means being willing to do the work…. that will allow you to reap the rewards. 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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[Scarlet]

Thanks that helps.

But how do I answer the online guy’s question of whether I enjoy the dating game? The truth is “not since high school and college undergrad!” But, of course, I can’t say that.

So what is a good answer to such a question?

[Author]

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