[j_matty]

I recently broke up with my ex, and I know, logically, it was the right thing to do. We just didn’t fit well together. We decided to remain friends, partly because there are qualities I still like about her, and partly because we’ll be spending a lot of time around each other for the next few years due to work and school. I thought staying friends could make life easier and more pleasant.

But now, I’m not so sure I can actually pull it off. In the last few months of our relationship, she treated me badly—harsh words, dismissiveness, and at times downright cruelty. She has acknowledged her behavior and apologized sincerely, but every time I see her casually at school or work, it’s hard not to remember the way she treated me. It brings up a storm of anger—at her, but also at myself for letting it happen.

I’ve tried to manage it by avoiding her whenever I can, hoping that distance will help me heal. But I worry that avoidance isn’t a long-term solution, especially because our paths inevitably cross. I want to be the bigger person and at least maintain a cordial friendship, but the frustration and resentment make it feel impossible. I also feel guilty for feeling this way—shouldn’t I be over it if she apologized?

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you manage lingering anger while trying to stay friends with an ex? Or, is it even realistic to maintain a friendship when trust and respect were broken? I really need guidance on whether I should push forward and try to salvage a platonic connection or step back completely to protect myself.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe, if every time you see her your blood boils, that’s your body saying nope. 🚫 you don’t heal by pretending you’re “cool”, you heal by disappearing for a bit, getting hot again, and letting her wonder why she ever messed it up. 😘 forgiveness can wait but your peace can’t. 💋

[PassionSeeker]

That’s a really honest and self-aware way of looking at things and it sounds like you’re trying to handle a painful situation with maturity, which isn’t easy. It’s natural to question whether staying friends with an ex is realistic, especially after the way she treated you. Even if she apologized, the anger and resentment you’re feeling are completely valid. Healing isn’t instant, and it’s okay to need time and space before considering any kind of friendship.

Avoidance can be helpful short-term, but you’re right to think it might not be a long-term solution. For now, it might be best to focus on your own healing. You don’t need to force a friendship if it’s bringing up negative emotions. With time and distance, you might be able to assess if a platonic connection is possible, but for now, it’s okay to prioritize your emotional well-being.

If you’re trying to imagine what a “friendship” with her would really look like, does it feel like something that would help you heal, or just a way to keep things less awkward for the future? Would you feel truly okay with it, or would it just be another form of emotional pressure?

[James Smith]

Man, I get this more than I’d like to admit. I once tried being friends with my ex right after the breakup. We told ourselves it would be “mature” and “civilized.” Yeah, that lasted about as long as my attempt at going to the gym in January. 😂 Every time we hung out, I’d start remembering all the times she’d insult my cooking or roll her eyes when I talked about my band. It wasn’t healing; it was reliving.

Here’s the thing, you don’t owe anyone instant forgiveness or friendship just because they said sorry. An apology doesn’t erase the bruise. Sometimes, staying friends isn’t noble, it’s just reopening the wound before it’s closed. If seeing her brings up anger, that’s your mind saying, “I’m not done processing this yet.” And that’s okay. Distance isn’t weakness, it’s wisdom.

You might be able to be cordial later, but for now, your priority should be peace, not politeness. Give yourself space, let the emotions breathe, and you’ll know when (or if) it’s right to reconnect.

Do you think part of you wants to stay friends because it feels easier than fully letting her go?

[Flirt Coach]

I can really feel where you’re coming from. I’ve been through something kind of similar myself. When someone you cared about hurts you, even if they say sorry and mean it, those memories don’t just vanish. You can forgive a person, but that doesn’t mean you stop feeling the sting of how they made you feel. That takes time.

After my marriage ended, my ex and I had to stay in touch because of our kids. I told myself we could be friends, and maybe one day we will be, but right after everything went down, it just wasn’t possible. Every time I saw her, I was dragged right back to all the ways she broke my trust. I learned that sometimes, being the bigger person means stepping back, not staying close. You can wish someone well from a distance.

If seeing her keeps stirring up anger, that’s your heart telling you it’s not ready for friendship yet. Give yourself permission to not rush it. Cordial doesn’t have to mean close. A polite nod when paths cross is still respectful. Protect your peace first, because until you heal, every conversation is going to reopen old wounds.

Friendship might be possible someday, but it has to come after forgiveness feels real, not forced. So for now, take space, focus on you, and don’t beat yourself up for not being “over it” yet. Healing doesn’t run on anyone’s schedule.

[Ask April Masini]

What’s with your obsession about staying friends with someone who treated you badly? I’m not buying the “School and Work” excuses, you’re not friends with everyone at school, are you?

You don’t have to force a friendship when you’re clearly still hurt by her actions.

Honestly, reading what you’re saying makes me question if you even broke up with her or if she dumped you. You don’t sound like you made the decision, and you definitely don’t sound like you’re moving forward with your love life.

The reason running into her stirs up so much emotion is because you’re still mixing up the person who hurt you with the idea of who you thought they were. Once you accept that she’s just a bad ex who caused you pain, seeing her won’t trigger those emotions anymore.

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