[JackB]

Hey,

I work in a bookstore with this girl whose company I enjoy. We always hang out together at the info desk, chatting to each other about stuff, and we stop by to talk to each other while we’re supposed to be shelving books in different sections of the store (and yeah, we DO occasionally actually do our jobs, too… lol.)
One night, a bunch of us employees had to stay really late to take inventory of the books, and she and I ended up working together pretty much the entire time, purely by choice (in other words, it’s not that our boss told us to work together… we were free to tackle whatever section of the store we wanted, and we both chose to work together.) We talked and laughed a lot, and enjoyed each other’s company.
I’m not good at asking people out, but I told myself that night that I was NOT going to chicken out the way I usually do, and so when we left the store at about 2am, we said goodnight to each other, and then I said to her, “Hey, I was wondering if maybe you’d like to get together sometime outside of work? Maybe go out to a movie or for coffee or whatever?”
Her response was: “You mean ‘out,’ like on a date? Oh, thank you, but I’m sorry, I just have way too much stuff going on in my life right now. I really can’t get into any kind of a relationship with anybody right now. But thank you for asking.”

I figured it was a polite way of saying, “I have zero interest in you, please go away,” and I dreaded having to see her again at work the next day. Much to my surprise and relief, she was extremely pleasant to me the next day, chatting about all sorts of stuff, so I figured, okay, great, at least I didn’t ruin the friendship. Then she said, “Hey, I have to head upstate this weekend to get some stuff from my old apartment, and I could use some company if you’re up for taking a long bus ride?” This completely confused me because I went from feeling rejected a few hours earlier, to feeling accepted. But I couldn’t go with her, unfortunately, because I already had plans for that weekend.

A couple of days later, she said to me, “Hey, I got a big favor to ask. I was wondering if you could help me sort through some of the stuff I brought back from my old apartment? If you’re free this evening, maybe you could come over?” I went over, and we ended up not sorting through anything, but rather watching music videos together and then going out to a diner for dinner, and then going to a laundromat together while she did her laundry. It almost felt like a date. Or maybe I was reading too much into it?

A day later, she asked if I’d be able to come over at the weekend to help her, since we didn’t get any sorting out done when I came over after work. I said sure, and she said she’d call me Friday night to make plans.

I never heard from her that Friday. I tried calling, but she didn’t answer. I left a message, but she didn’t call back. On Monday, I asked her, very nonchalant, “How was your weekend?” and she said, “Pretty good! I went to the movies with this guy from my other job. He’s kind of a jerk, but it was a lot of fun anyway.”

So now I’m completely confused about where I stand. Obviously you know women’s minds better than I do… can you decipher this?

Thanks.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I can understand why you’re confused. She shut you down when you asked her out on a date, and she couldn’t have been more clear about it. But then[i] she[/i] became “the guy” and started asking you out, and you found yourself in the girl’s position. And then she basically stood you up and went out with another guy — who she had the audacity to criticize by calling him a jerk even after she blew off your date to see him instead! 😕

My advice is to find clarity within yourself. She’s not going to be clear, so you have to be. If she invites you out on any more dates, tell her no — but that if she’s interested in dating you, you’d love to take her to dinner on Saturday night — pick her up at eight o’clock. In other words, you have to be more of a man that she’s being! This may be a little tough for you to get used to, but it could be fun for you, too.

Let me know how it goes, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[JackB]

Thanks for the advice.

Well, turns out, it’s all irrelevant anyway. She came into work on Saturday, and she was acting kind of strange, and her eyes looked really weird. I asked her if she was okay, and she said, “Oh, man, I smoked WAY too much pot this morning. My dealer stopped by last night and gave me a great price, so now I have, like, tons of it.”

Maybe I’m a prude, but that just turned me off completely. I had no idea about this side of her (yes, I know there are a lot worse things people could do than smoke pot, but still, the idea of her coming into work like that and having her own dealer? Like I said, maybe I’m a prude, but whatever, it was a turn off for me.)

This morning, she didn’t show up at work, and I found out she had been fired because she showed up high again on Sunday (and apparently she had done it in the past and I just didn’t know about it.) Well, I guess I’m glad I DIDN’T get into a relationship with her after all.

But anyway, I just wanted to say thanks for reading my question and taking the time to answer it.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome. 😀 Sounds like you dodged a bullet! 😉

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts