[Jess22i1]

I want to know if there is a way to make a guy interested in you if he is not interested?

My situation is, I know this guy, when we first me we hung out for hours and then the next day we hooked up, we did this once a week for a month, then it stopped, he started going through some emotional issues but we still talked over text, I thought it was weird how he would just text me for no reason and not asked to hook up, it even got to the point where he was texting me almost every day, and he also wanted to chat all night and didn’t seem to want me to stop texting, was a little bit confusing for me. Then for no reason he stopped texting me and didn’t respond when I text him, which upset me, a few weeks later I saw him down the street and he waved to me, he then text me again and I didn’t respond for a day, he sent me about 6 texts saying that he was sorry about shutting me out and loosing contact and that he will understand if I don’t want to talk to him again but wanted to pick up where we left off, when I finally did get back to him I said I’m happy to catch up but not to hook up, he said it was fine that he was happy to be friends and we caught up just to chat which was good and he hugged me as I left, again texts me every second day at least, he is having his issues again, so still chatting, unsure what his intentions are. Caught up with him yesterday, and we hooked up again, now I’m scared that might ruin and friendship that was possible and that he may have lost respect for me.

Is there a way I can regain respect and try and be friends with the guy without him expecting that from me?

Is it possible to make a guy interested in you when you think he doesn’t see you that way?

[AskApril Masini]

How old are you both?

[Jess22i1]

Im 30 he’s 23

[Jess22i1]

Im 30 he’s 23

[AskApril Masini]

Thanks for the age information. That really helps. 😉 At age 30, there are a couple of dating basics that I think will help you. The first of which is, men and women can’t be friends. In a nutshell, the reason is that one person always wants more than the other at some point, and that makes for dishonesty – which isn’t friendship. Often the one who wants more tries to leverage the “friendship” into more. And sex changes things. You don’t have sex with friends, so when you’ve had, or are having sex with a guy, the relationship is going to be a lot different than a friendship would be.

[quote]Is there a way I can regain respect and try and be friends with the guy without him expecting that from me? [/quote]

You can’t be friends with him. It won’t work. You’ve had sex with him from the beginning, and that makes the relationship very different from a friendship. 😉 So, my advice is to let go of the idea of a friendship. It won’t work, and you’ll expend a lot of energy getting to that conclusion.

[quote]Is it possible to make a guy interested in you when you think he doesn’t see you that way?[/quote]

You can definitely get a guy interested — but the question is, in what? 😎 You’ve already got him interested in sex. The question really is, what is it you want? The more focused you are, the easier it is to get what you want. You’ve mentioned being friends with him, but you’ve also had sex with him, and it doesn’t sound like there’s any dating going on — so it’s no wonder you’re confused! 😉 Decide what it is you want, and then hone in on that.

You might want to read [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], a book I wrote for women who are interested in find, getting and keeping Mr. Right — if that’s what you’re interested in. Here’s the link for buying the book: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

I hope that helps!

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[Jess22i1]

Thank yo so much, you are right about a friendship, I obviously can’t be friends with him, so I know what I want from him, i want him to see me as more than just sex I want him to see me as someone he could have a relationship with, me saying I want friendship is lying to myself, so when I say ‘ can I make him interested?’ I mean that I want him to see me as more than just sex and someone he would want more with. Thank you for being honest with me about this xx

[AskApril Masini]

The problem with wanting him to see you as someone who’s more than just a hook up is that you’ve already established the relationship as a hook up and hang out relationship — not one where you give a guy something to chase after so he asks you out and the two of you date, get to know each other, and have sex because the relationship seems to be going somewhere and it’s an expression of affection. 😕 It’s very confusing to the guy when you show him that you’re one type of person who’s interested in something very specific, and then change the game on him. 😮 That’s why knowing what you want from the get go is so very important — so you don’t fool yourself, or the guy into thinking one thing, and switching it all up. 😉 The thing is that men have sex because you’re willing and they’re ready. It doesn’t mean that they like you. It just means that there was sex available. The other problem you’re facing is that the reality is guys don’t necessarily want someone who’s all that easy, when it comes to romantic relationships. They want to be able to chase after and win you over. Hooking up may seem modern, but when you decide you want a relationship that’s a little more traditional, where there’s dating, commitment and some shared relationship goals like monogamy, maybe living together down the line, etc….. starting out with hooking up and hanging out doesn’t send him that message.

My advice is that you buy and read the book I suggested — I really think it’s going to help you with some dating basics — and start using them in your life, with this guy and all guys. 😉 I know you want this guy to think of you as someone he could have more than sex with — and you’ve got an uphill challenge in front of you — but if you read the book, and can be even more specific about what you want from this guy (or any guy, frankly!), whether it’s dating, a monogamous relationship, etc., you’re more likely to get it. I hope that helps!

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[Jess22i1]

Thanks I just purchased the book and have a read if it, sounds like I have a challenge, I want to know if you think it’s actually worth perusing or should I just cut my losses and walk away and find someone else?

[AskApril Masini]

I think it’s worth pursuing as long as he’s not the only person you’re pursuing. 😉 In other words, if you’re not investing all your energy in this one guy, it’s fine to flirt with him, and try to get him to chase after you. 😀 This will also give you other options, make you more interesting because you’re more interested in lots of things and people, and keep you from appearing needy or desperate. 😉

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[Jess22i1]

Thank you very much for being honest and your advice, I bought you book and started reading it so far you weren’t kidding when you said it wasnt for tge faint hearted lol. I havent heard from this guy since tuesday which is wgen we hooked up abd its now saturday which I dont think is a good sign 🙁

[AskApril Masini]

If you can learn some good information about yourself and dating, as a result of this relationship, and the book — then it will move you forward in life. Not every relationship is supposed to work out the way you may think it is, and sometimes they work out the way they’re supposed to because you learn from mistakes, and use the lessons learned to bring you health and happiness in future relationships. 😀

Hooking up doesn’t usually bring you a committed, monogamous dating and romantic relationship. It’s an end in itself, or one in a series of hook ups. If that’s what you figure out, you can save yourself time, energy and emotions in the future.

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[Jess22i1]

Thank you so much xx

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome.

[Natalie Noah]

You’ve put a lot of thought and emotion into trying to navigate this relationship. The main challenge here is that the relationship was established as a casual, hookup dynamic from the beginning. That sets a very specific tone one where sex and casual interaction are the foundation, rather than emotional intimacy or a pathway to a committed relationship. Once that dynamic is in place, it’s very difficult to reverse it. You can want him to see you as more than sex, but his perception of the relationship has already been shaped by your initial choices and the pattern you both created.

It’s understandable that you hoped a friendship could exist alongside these sexual encounters, but the advice here is spot on: men and women can struggle to be just friends when sex is involved. Once intimacy enters the mix, boundaries blur, and expectations change. You’re now experiencing the confusion that comes from trying to redefine what the relationship is after the fact. He may enjoy your company and the connection, but his interest in something deeper may not have been developed because the initial relationship wasn’t framed that way.

The most important takeaway is that clarity about what you want is essential. If your goal is a committed, affectionate, monogamous relationship, you need to act in ways that reflect that from the start, which might mean stepping back from hooking up or casual behavior. It’s also about balance not putting all your emotional energy into this one person while leaving yourself vulnerable to being disappointed. Focusing on your own life, interests, and other connections strengthens your position and prevents you from appearing desperate or over-invested.

The question of whether it’s worth pursuing him depends on your willingness to accept the uphill challenge. He is already interested in some form of connection with you primarily casual and sexual but that doesn’t guarantee he’ll want something more. You can experiment with changing the dynamic, but it has to be done with clear boundaries and without relying entirely on him to validate your worth. This situation is as much about understanding yourself, your needs, and your standards, as it is about trying to get him to see you differently. It’s a delicate balance, and your focus should be on building a life that attracts the right kind of attention, rather than chasing one person’s affection.

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