[annalise]

I live with my boyfriend of two years and his son. We are both around 30 years old and are about to be engaged. We have had a very busy schedule lately and have been fighting about sex, or lack of in his mind. We only have sex about 2 times a week due to the busy schedule but he thinks it should be every single day. It’s pretty typical that we check each other’s emails, due to bills and family members emailing us. However, I jumped on his computer the other day and saw he had opened up an online dating profile stating he “wasn’t getting what he wanted at home and was looking for something secret one the side but his girl can never find out”. I logged in and there were no messages on this account. I pulled up the account (with no picture) and he admitted it was his. He said he was trying to see if I trusted him or was spying on him so he created the account to see if I would try to pick him up with a fake account of my own. The problem is, he created the account on a night that I happened to be spending a night at my parents house. He said he spent the night doing homework, which I actually believe he did do because we are in a class together and he’s a slow reader but he was able to tell me the details of one long chapter. However, it’s just too sketchy to believe. I really love him but I am not going to be with someone who might be cheating. I don’t know what to do….

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have more at stake than couples without children, so don’t jump to conclusions. My advice is that you try working harder at being the sex kitten he’s looking for. If what he wants is sex, and he’s looking elsewhere, show him how much he has at home. 😎 I know that it’s hard to get in the mood when you’ve got a two year old in the mix, but it’s important to make him feel desired and have sex something you both look forward to, not fight about.

Step away from the ring where you fight about this, and instead, get babysitters, arrange date nights, and focus on your relationship. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[annalise]

It’s not our child, it’s his child. I would love to be his stepmother one day but I’m not yet. And we don’t go out for dates because we are both working full-time and in school full-time so we struggle to get our homework turned in on time and to get dinner on the table. We had a good sex life in my opinion but even after sex I found find him staying up all night watching porn afterwords. I tried sitting him down and talking to him about what was missing and changing things. Ever since he said he hasn’t been looking at porn and things have been getting better but now this happened. He did cheat on me twice, but it was when we had only been dating for 2 weeks and now it’s been 2 years.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sorry for the misunderstanding — you did write that it was his child, not yours. Got it, now.

Okay, so the problem still exists — he’s not getting enough sex in the relationship, and you’re too busy with school and work to to be romantic with him, and even when you did have a good sex life, he was still watching porn afterwards. 😕

He may not be ready to be engaged, or he’s having second thoughts, and this is his subconscious or passive aggressive way of breaking the engagement or making sure it doesn’t happen. It doesn’t seem like behavior from a man who is ready to get engaged, which is a time when you’re really focused on all that’s good between the two of you — or should be. 😕

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[annalise]

Forget about the engagement at this point, I’m in no rush to get married or put a label on something. I’m more just wanting advice on what that would sound like from a voice that’s not inside my head telling me how screwed up this is. I’m not worried about a ring. I’m wondering if I should still be here or if I should be out the door. If I happened to catch this one problem are there others? And how do I know he didn’t meet up with someone that night?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Problems don’t occur in a vacuum. It’s easy to blame him or blame yourself. The reality, however, is that you have a responsibility to choose someone and get to know him and stay or not. I’m not there, so I’m going on what you’re telling me, and it sounds like he wants more sex from you, but isn’t getting it. If you don’t want to commit more to your sex life with him, then definitely expect more of the same behavior from him that you’re seeing now. If, however, this has been going on for two years and you haven’t caught it, and are now suspecting that it’s been ongoing, you have a different problem.

I know you want me to tell you to leave or stay, but you have to figure out what you want and what you’re willing to put into a relationship. If you’re not interested in marriage and babies, then you don’t have the same kind of timetable that other women who do, have. If you do want want marriage and babies, then watch the clock.

Regardless, you may not want to waste time with someone you don’t feel is right for you, and if his sex drive and yours don’t match, and there’s too big of a gap, then it is wise for you to move on.

Hope that helps!

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts