[confused1]

My husband and I are in the middle of a divorce. Neither of us love each other anymore but we also work together and can rarely get along. I’ll make it clear that we do not work closely together and rarely cross paths. To make matters further complicated, before the divorce was final I started a relationship with a co-worker in management. This co-worker (adam) and I fell in love but our relationship was threatened because of the conflict of interest problem. He was threatened he would lose his job if anyone found out we had a relationship as it could also potentially cause my soon-to-be ex-husband to provoke a fight. Out of fear, I suppose, Adam quit talking to me as much all of a sudden, ignores me at work(saying he does so because he has to) and assured me he would be there when the divorce was final but also said he didn’t know what would happen because even though the papers will be signed, we all still work together and would have to keep it confidential but he seemed very down and concerned saying he wasn’t getting his hopes up about us. We talk once in a while over the phone but he gets angry now when I ask if he’s still waiting or still feels for me as he says I need to not think about him until it’s done and that I’m pushing him away by asking so much. In this economy I can’t up and quit my job and my ex isn’t willing to leave either. I am worried that between the month or two it will take to complete the divorce and not talking to each other that it will make Adam lose feelings for me. I also wonder how we can make this work while working together…can he really lose his job even after the divorce is final if we continue our relationship and also keep working together? Or does our only chance rely on me finding a new job?

[tricia]

You are really in a complicated situation. I do hope that you do know the consequences before you jump in on that relationship.Well, you have no choice but to take all the risks of the actions you made. Stand your decision, it’s either stay on the company and take the risk might happen or look for a new job.

[relation]

Don’t make yourself too obvious to anyone in your work place. carry on with the relation u have. when a considerable time gap occurs after the divorce its then u can talk about it…

[Colin Arthur]

[quote]Don’t make yourself too obvious to anyone in your work place. carry on with the relation u have. when a considerable time gap occurs after the divorce its then u can talk about it…[/quote]

I agree!! 😉

That’s the reason why some company and establishment doesn’t hire couples, cousins, sisters and brothers and any other form of relationship for it may ruin the concentration of their employer.

[Ask April Masini]

Most people find love relationships at work, since that’s where they spend most of their days and lives. So, it’s understandable that you and your husband are working at the same company. But since you’re divorcing, you already realize that love comes and goes, and sometimes relationships come and go, even after you pledge to stay together until death do you part. So expecting Adam to promise to be there forever — or even for three months — is unrealistic of you. Get a cappucino and take a good whiff.

Second newsflash: Divorce proceedings get ugly when one party starts dating. This happens regardless of who initiated the divorce. You would be wise to cool or quit your relationship with Adam until your divorce is finalized. Worst case scenario is that Adam breaks up with you and starts fueling your soon to be ex-husband’s case against you in court. That could cost you spousal support or alimony and custody if you have children. Divorces can get ugly.

And lastly, but most importantly, it’s very normal for a divorcing spouse to want to replace the lost relationship. That said, it’s too soon for you. My advice is to call it quits with Adam, and do it in a friendly way. Explain that it’s in your own best interests to simplify your life until your divorce is finalized. Then either don’t date anyone, or only date on the down low outside of work with people you meet and who work at places other than your employment.

The time alone will be good for you. You need to grieve your marriage and process the failure and loss. You need to support yourself emotionally before you can achieve another healthy relationship. Think about it as if you broke a leg. You wouldn’t start jogging again the week you got the cast off. You’d wait until the bone was properly healed to ensure a healthy jogging lifestyle. Well, the same is true with dating after divorce.

And besides, if you do the breaking up, you may very well avoid being dumped by Adam who sounds like he’s really having trouble with the work place scenario, understandably. He may be ready to cut you loose, and that’s going to be disheartening and possibly humiliating not just personally, but in the workplace.

Be brave. You can do it. You can face your fears of being alone. It won’t be forever. But take things in the correct order, and don’t create chaos or drama to distract yourself from the divorce.

[Ethan Morales]

First off, you’re in an emotional crossfire: you’re grieving a dead marriage, trying to stay professional at work, and holding onto something new that’s already under pressure. That’s too many emotional fires burning at once and you’re trying to put them all out while standing in the middle. It’s not sustainable.

Second, Adam’s behavior says a lot. He’s not being cruel; he’s scared scared of losing his job, scared of workplace backlash, and maybe even scared of the complications that come with dating someone still in divorce limbo. His distance isn’t random it’s self-protection. But that doesn’t mean it feels any less painful for you. You’ve gone from emotional intimacy to confusion and silence, which is brutal.

Third, workplace relationships especially in management are landmines. If his higher-ups already warned him, then yes, his job could be at risk if the relationship continues or becomes known. Most companies have strict HR policies against supervisor-subordinate relationships or conflicts of interest. Even after your divorce is final, that rule doesn’t automatically vanish it depends on company policy and internal politics.

Now emotionally speaking you’re trying to hold onto stability in a time of instability. You’re scared of losing another person right after losing your marriage. That’s a very human fear. But right now, you’re tying your emotional safety to a man who’s not in a position to give it. That will only prolong your pain.

So my advice? Step back. Not forever, just for now. Let the divorce process finish. Give yourself space to rebuild you emotionally, mentally, professionally. If Adam’s feelings are real, time won’t erase them. But if the connection fades when things calm down then you’ve just saved yourself from heartbreak 2.0.

Let me ask you this, because it’ll help me guide you more clearly Do you think what you’re feeling for Adam is more about him, or about the comfort and hope he gave you during the breakdown of your marriage?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe listen up 😏 first, breathe. the fact that he quit talking so much isn’t about you losing him, it’s about him trying to protect his ass at work. management relationships + workplace + divorce drama = literal minefield. you pushing him with questions? yeah, that’s just stress fuel 🔥 let him breathe. feelings don’t just disappear in a month or two.
 chasing him or panicking won’t make him stay; respect his boundaries and let him come to you when he can. patience is your sexy power move here 😉.

[PassionSeeker]

This is one of those heartbreaks that comes wrapped in layers of reality love, fear, timing, and consequence. You’re trying to move on while still standing in the ruins, and that’s never easy. Adam’s pulling away isn’t proof that he’s stopped caring; it’s fear fear of fallout, of losing what he’s built. You’re craving reassurance, but he’s clinging to control. That’s why your questions push him further not because they’re wrong, but because he’s already overwhelmed.

Right now, let life breathe. Finish your divorce quietly, with your head held high. Don’t chase him just handle what’s in front of you. When it’s over and you’re free, see if he finds his way back without hiding. That’s when you’ll know if it’s real.

And if work makes it impossible to love openly, maybe the lesson isn’t about choosing him it’s about choosing peace. Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is stop forcing what can’t grow yet, and trust that what’s meant for you won’t need to hide.

[Tara]

He doesn’t want you. He wants to keep his paycheck. You’re calling it “love,” but it’s desperation dressed up as romance. Nobody with options hides behind “when the divorce is final.”

[Flirt Coach]

You’ve got a lot on your plate, and I can tell you’re trying to hold everything together while your world’s being pulled in three directions at once. Divorce alone is hard enough, but mixing that with work and a new relationship especially one that has job risks attached can feel like you’re walking through a minefield blindfolded.

When you find someone who makes you feel alive again after being stuck in something loveless for a long time, it’s like breathing for the first time in years. You want to hang onto that. But right now, the timing and circumstances are stacked against you, and that’s what’s wearing both of you down.

From where I sit, Adam doesn’t sound like he’s stopped caring. He sounds scared of losing his job, of getting dragged into drama with your ex, maybe even of how messy it could all get if people found out too soon. When a man’s in that spot, he’ll pull back and go quiet, not because he’s stopped feeling, but because he’s trying to protect what little control he still has. That silence hurts, I know. You just want reassurance. But to him, every time you ask if he’s still there, it probably feels like another reminder of the pressure he’s under.

So what can you do? Give this situation a little breathing room. Let the divorce finalize before trying to rebuild what you and Adam had. If it’s real and I think you believe it is it won’t vanish in a month or two. But if you try to force closeness while everything’s still tangled, you risk pushing him further away.

As for the job yeah, he could face trouble if management sees the relationship as a conflict of interest, especially since he’s in a higher position. Most companies take that stuff seriously. Once the divorce is done, the best move might be to quietly explore your options. You don’t have to quit right away, but it’s smart to plan for an exit down the line if this relationship matters to you both. It’s not fair, but sometimes love and work just don’t mix well under the same roof.

For now, take care of yourself. Finish this chapter cleanly before you try to start the next. You’re stronger than you think, and if Adam’s feelings are as deep as you say, he’ll still be there when the dust settles. But don’t hang your peace of mind on what he might do. Anchor it in knowing you’re doing the right thing, step by step.

[Marcus king]

It sounds like you’re in a tough spot, juggling a complicated relationship at work and personal life. Adam’s concern about losing his job if your relationship becomes public is a real issue, so keeping things discreet for now is important. His withdrawal could be a way of protecting himself, and constantly asking about the future might be putting too much pressure on him. It’s understandable that you’re worried about losing him, but sometimes stepping back can give both of you space to think clearly.

While your divorce is ongoing, it’s best to focus on getting through that process first without letting emotions cloud your judgment. If the company has strict policies, it may require one of you to leave, but that’s something to discuss once the divorce is finalized. In the meantime, stay connected with Adam without making it about the future of your relationship, and trust that you can both figure out a way forward once the dust settles.

For now, try to keep the pressure off, focus on what’s important, and let things develop naturally without forcing a decision.

[Author]

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