[bella_098]

I met this guy 2 years ago. We would see each other once in a while and it was obvious that there was that attraction from both of us this went on for a couple of months. He text me and we started going out. I got to know a little bit more about him such as that he is a father to a little girl and had been at the time separated for about a year at the time. Its my first time dating a guy with kids so i didnt know what to expect, and still decided to keep on going out with him. We are not officially together but i can say that we are exclusively dating each other at least from my side. As we spent more time together feelings started to grow between us and the “I Love You” came along. I have to admit it was magical yes i know very cheesy but it was nice. Now here comes the ugly yes not everything is pretty unfortunately. So he has somewhat of drama with the baby’s mom. There has been times where he just gets so stressed out about the situation that that i feel that he is not ready to have the dating part of his life back….sigh….At the end it comes down to the fact that i fell in love…
I fell in love with this guy and I dont know if its worth it for me to keep trying to make it work or not? I mean we are not even official… We tend to have the most amazing months where we get to see each other at least twice or more a week, but then i dont know what happens with him that i dont get to see him at all, and text communication is very little to none. Now, dont get me wrong I am not one of those girls that is clingy. I have my own world going on. I have a full time job, have hobbies and enjoy going out with my friends. I dont make him my world, but would definitely love for him to be part of it. There’s times where i feel that he thinks its to good to be true, and i say this because he was use to the “Drama type” kind of girl and that’s nothing like me. I just wished he would give us a try and i mean if it doesnt work out at least we tried…Right now i havent heard from him. He doesnt reply, so i decided to back off and not text or look for him anymore (Its so hard because it hurts 🙁 to know that he is not there). Now my dilemma is that this has happen before and ill get to the point where his absence doesnt affect me as much as it is now but i do miss him and think of him, BUT he decides to come back in the picture, and yes i let him back in…I dont know what to do? HELP! is he giving me signs that i am missing because i am head over heels for him? Is it that he is afraid of commitment because of his past relationships? Is it that he is just looking for a “Friend”?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

Is he married or divorced? You said he’s separated, but it isn’t clear from your post if he’s still separated or how long he is/was separated for. Maybe you can clarify that. Then I’ll give you my advice! 😀

[bella_098]

thank you for the response…

I am 25 and he is 27…

He lived with his ex but they never married. They have been separated for almost 3 years now, there is still communication between them though because of their five year old girl. Ive asked him if he would ever consider going back with her or if there is any feelings left and he always says no. In fact, ive even asked him if he would give their relationship a second chance for their daughter and he says no, that it would just make it worst then what it is now. Now i forgot to mentioned that the ex doesnt really approve of him dating…

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Got it! Thanks for the extra information.

Dating a single parent is a lot different from dating a person without children. The children will always be a part of your relationship and if there’s another parent in the picture, there is usually drama — in fact, in families with happy marriages where there are children, there is still drama because of kids! So kid drama comes with the territory. They get sick, they have bumps in the road with school, there are dashed expectations about where the child will spend Thanksgiving, which parent he or she likes better, etc. In other words, this is not the road every single woman may choose to go down, so think hard about being the girlfriend to a single dad — and potentially a step-mother to his child.

That said, it sounds like your boyfriend disappears and that upsets you. It isn’t clear how long these disappearances last, but the issue at hand is communication between the two of you. Communication problems can be solved….(here comes the big “if”) IF both people want to communicate. If he doesn’t want communicate with you, you can’t make him want to. If he does want to, then you can tell him, “I worry when I don’t hear from you!” or “It was so great to hear from you — I miss you so much when I don’t see you, but just getting a phone call from you really makes me feel great about us.” Men want to fix problems, they don’t want to have them, so if you tell him that he’s doing something you like, by calling you when he’s away, you’re giving him the fix and the praise that he’s done something that makes you feel good, both at the same time.

Specifically, though, from what you’ve added, my guess is that his child’s mother doesn’t want to be replaced by a step-mother or a girlfriend. This is a very common problem when dating a single parent. It’s very threatening for a parent to share a child with an ex, let alone an ex’s girlfriend. And if the child likes you, the mother is probably going to feel threatened. She may threaten to keep the child from your boyfriend, which isn’t legal, but it’s an emotional reaction.

If your boyfriend is serious about you, then he has to get his ducks in a row. He can’t bow to the emotional pressure of his ex, and if it becomes too stressful for him, the court system can offer relief by imposing a court ordered custody schedule that creates time for him to see his child regardless of what the mother thinks of his dating life. This is a bumpy road, but it’s a common road.

And…. it may be more than you want to deal with. Or not.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[bella_098]

Thank you so much for the response….It has definitely helped and really think about whether i want to continue being in this situation. For now time will just tell i just hope that when he realizes its worth fighting for its not too late….

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re welcome! 😀

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