[kdunn1292]

Dear April,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years. We are in our first year of college at the same school. I did not really want to attend this school, but I did out of fear that I would lose him. Since I have been at this college, I have become depressed and he has made new friends and I have made very few. I have no one to talk to, and I feel like I have made a huge sacrifice for him and he has done very little for me. We are thinking about getting an apartment together next year, but he wants one of his friends to live with us and I would rather just live alone with him. I also want him to just commit and propose to me already. We have had several arguements and conversations about both of these things. My boyfriend does not cook or clean, and he only does his laundry now because no one else will. I fear that if I move in with him, he will treat me as a maid and not his equal. I also do not want to live with his friend because he will bring random girls over. My boyfriend and I have also had several arguements about him getting an internship this summer several hours away from where we live. I work over the summer, and if he did this I would never see him. I also have trust issues. I know that he loves me and he would never intentionally cheat on me, but I also know how girls are. I have also been cheated on before by a different guy. I know that he is not at all like that other guy, but it still scares me that he could hurt me like that. I am doing everything I can to try to keep us together physically, so that won’t happen and so we can be together, but I feel like he is not making the same sacrfices that I have and still am. My boyfriend is a great guy and I really love him. He has been with me through so much, and I know that without him I would not be where I am today, but the fear of losing him is too much for me to handle. Am I just completely crazy, or should I be worried?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have a couple of different issues going on here:

First of all, you made a mistake choosing a college out of fear you’d lose your boyfriend if you went elsewhere. 😳 If you have a boyfriend you’re afraid of losing, then he’s not a great match for you to begin with. In addition, college isn’t just a social experience it’s an opportunity to get an education. Someone is paying a lot of money for this education, and you have a responsibility to make good on their investment. If you choose your school because you fear losing your boyfriend, you’ve put your education on the back burner. So think about what you really want in terms of an education and if you can’t get it at this college, then transfer to where you can.

Second, since you’re depressed because you have no friends and no one to talk to, you need to address that problem. Start making friends! And if you can’t, figure out why you can’t make friends. This is a very basic and important tool.

Third, it doesn’t sound like you should get an apartment with your boyfriend. He wants a college experience which means roommates and dating and lots of new friends. You want a commitment that’s going to lead to marriage. You’re not compatible with him at this time. If you can’t see that now, moving in with him will force the issue. But there will be drama as a result. And more unhappiness.

Fourth, don’t try to force your boyfriend into spending his summer near you. It will backfire. You really need to become more independent whether you’re with him or not, and focusing on your own life will also make you more attractive to him.

I know this is all tough news to hear because it goes against the grain you’ve been living by, but it’s time for a change so you’re no longer confused or depressed.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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