[grindinggears]

So start this off I worked with this girl for two years, and our company was not that big.

I got let go and the day after I got let go I went to a hockey game with some coworkers and found out she was single.

A couple days later I asked her out on a date, and we went on a date the following day, as well as the day after.

The following week we went on three dates and I asked her where she thought this was going and she said she was worried we’d have that talk soon and that she wasn’t ready for anything serious and that she still had partial feelings for her ex and that she was messed up inside and is confused cause she did t figure I was as sweet as i am, another long story all together.

Needless to say I let it be for a week and didn’t contact her, then she starts texting pictures of penguins (my favorite animal) to me about four days later.

So we start going out again and we go out at least twice a week.

All this started about the second week of december.

Asfar as the sex goes we have had sex but not to completion as she stopped mid way and said we need to stop and we went to sleep.

So we go to a cabin in the mountains this past weekend and relax and no sex all weekend but have a blast. I bring up that I’m confused because sometimes she gets hot and heavy and is all into everything then just puts up a wall. She said she’s just not ready for something serious right now.

the confusing part to this is her cousin mentioned to me, in passing, I didn’t bring it up, that I need to work with her and that’s she’s really into me and that she’s not seeing anyone else.

I want to stay cause she’s awesome but i don’t want to beat a dead horse either.

Asfar as does she talk about her ex? Very very small things probably every other week and it’s always just passive.

Your thoughts?

[AskApril Masini]

I think that you need to take the lead, and set the tone for the relationship more than you have been. What you’re doing is looking to her to take the lead, and that’s why you’re feeling confused. She’s actually being super clear — she wants to date you, but not with any commitment. You’re trying to give her what she wants to keep her in the game, but you’re also trying to get your needs met, too — and it’s not going smoothly because the two of you are not on the same page. You’re not so much confused as you are disappointed that she’s not more into a commitment with you. She’s all over the map, but that doesn’t mean you have to be.

My advice is to back off a little. Sometimes one amazing date each week, is a lot more attractive to a woman than being around at her beck and call. And if she knows you’re attractive to other women, and are even playing the field because what you really want is a committed relationship, she may find you more attractive. Just because she texts you pictures of penguins, doesn’t mean you should start dating again. After all, you’re looking for a committed relationship, and she’s not ready. If you’re that into her, then consider continuing to date her, as well as playing the field to see if you can meet someone who is ready for the relationship you’re looking for. 😉 And if she comes around, you can always focus on dating just her, but it really doesn’t sound like the two of you have compatible relationship goals right now, and that’s the bottom line.

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