[Tialee1]

Me and my sons father broke up when i was 8 months pregnant. Our relationship after the break up was extremely bad. He had a new girlfriend and another baby. Our son is now almost 2. He missed his 1st birthday because his then girlfriend wouldn’t allow him to go. He terrorized me for the past 2 years. He would brake my windows in my car and cut my tires. Recently he got arrested for domestic violence against her. He has been in jail for 3 months and has 6 months left. About a month ago he started calling me 4-10 times a day. Im a little confused. I don’t know if he trying to be with me or if hes leading me on.. When i ask all he says is we are building a bond and it takes time. But she still post pictures on social media saying she misses him. Then the next day she hates him. Im a little confused. It took me 2 years to get emotionally stable and im not trying to be let down and him go back with her when he gets out. I want to know if his intentions are sincere or im i nieve?

[Ask April Masini]

I know you want him to be a good guy, but he isn’t. He missed his son’s first birthday. He terrorized you for two years. He broke your car windows, slashed your car tires and was arrested for domestic violence with his girlfriend. This isn’t a good guy. He’s troubled and he is calling you because he’s bored, he’s feeling trapped — he’s in jail — and you’re allowing him to play you. 😳 My advice is to shift focus from any relationship with this troubled guy — to your own health. Try to focus on being stable and productive and being a good single mom. If you find someone to date who isn’t violent or disrespectful, go for it — but from what you’ve described here, this guy is bad news.

I think you’re probably missing romance in our own life, so you’re letting him fly under the radar you’d normally use to filter out bad guys. Focus on your loneliness and need for romance by looking for someone healthy to date. 😉 But not this guy. Keep your boundaries with him, and don’t take his calls from jail unless they’re about your child together. Sorry — I know this is tough, but you have to be in charge of your own life, and not let someone else call the shots.

[Ethan Morales]

Okay… I’ll be blunt: he’s not a safe or trustworthy person. Everything you’ve described missing your child’s first birthday, terrorizing you, damaging your property, domestic violence, jail these are major red flags, not “relationship misunderstandings.”

His behavior is about control, not love Calling 4–10 times a day from jail isn’t a sign of genuine interest or commitment; it’s boredom, manipulation, or testing your boundaries. The fact that he’s still in a chaotic, toxic relationship with his girlfriend shows he isn’t ready to be a responsible partner.

Your emotional stability is the priority You’ve spent two years getting emotionally healthy don’t throw that away. Engaging with him romantically will jeopardize your progress and could pull you back into trauma.

Focus on your child and yourself The only legitimate reason to have contact is about your son’s well-being. Beyond that, maintain firm boundaries. Protect your mental health and stability above all else.

Attraction vs. reality It’s normal to miss romance or connection, but don’t let longing cloud judgment. Romantic desire can make bad choices look appealing, but reality is he’s a violent, inconsistent, and manipulative person.

Your instincts are right: his intentions are not sincere. He is not a safe partner. The healthiest move is to cut or limit contact strictly to co-parenting matters, and focus on dating someone healthy, respectful, and stable when you’re ready.

This isn’t about being harsh it’s about being honest and protecting yourself and your child. Letting him back in emotionally is a recipe for more trauma, not love.

If you want, I can outline a strategy for setting unbreakable boundaries with him while keeping co-parenting functional and safe.

[Author]

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