[Jess03187]

I was dating a guy for 5 months, we got along great and had great chemistry. He never had no direction in life (no job, never finished school, got in trouble with the law) but he treated me great and was a gentleman. 5 months into the relationship I found out he was cheating on me. I ended it with him and then he kept coming back and saying he was stupid and made a mistake. I told him I cant get involved with a cheater. I didn’t hear from him again for like 2 months and then his father contacted me and told me he was worried about his son and that he has not been the same since we broke up. He said he has never seen his son as depressed as hes been. A week after hearing from his father he got in contact with me again. He told me that he got hooked on pain pills the past two months and he has just been very depressed. He is telling me he is seeing a therapist and is on something to get him off the pills. He said he lost the best thing that happened to him. I told him that I can be here as a friend for him that’s it but I want to be with him for some odd reason. I don’t know what to do. How can I trust him again, can there be a future with him? I’m so confused!

Any advice or insight would help.

[AskApril Masini]

Let me blunt: This guy needs help that you can’t give him. 🙁 A pill addiction is serious business, and you are not a doctor. You’re someone he dated for five months. That’s it. Forget the reason for the break up, that’s less important than the fact that his father is trying to use you to cure a problem that has nothing to do with you. In fact, that his father called you for help, is part of this guy’s problems. Boundaries are not respected by addicts, cheaters or people who have had “trouble with the law”. If you’re truly worried about this guy, call a hospital hotline, or even a police hotline and tell them he needs help. That’s the best thing you can do for him.

As for yourself, steer clear and find someone who is more compatible for you. Eliminate anyone who has had “trouble with the law” before the first date, or as soon as you find out. If you befriend this guy, you’re fooling yourself. He’s not a friend. He’s a project. Go to a craft store instead — you’ll have more success with paint and a glue gun.

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[Jess03187]

Thank you for your reply,

Your right, its not my problem to cure. He says he is going to get his life on track and I guess I just want to believe that he will. Its like I know the answer but yet its hard to let go :/

[AskApril Masini]

I know that you want to believe he will be fine, and that’s understandable, but it’s much better for you if you relax your expectations, as well as your hopes. Don’t try to bend the truth or to set expectations unrealistically. Instead, relax and step away from what you can’t control. Enabling addicts is never healthy for anyone. 😉

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[Jess03187]

your right, thank you

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome. Good luck! 🙂

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