[sm3185]

I work with this guy (39/m) and had a crush on him since I (31/f) started work (6 years ago). We would flirt back and forth. One night he initiated going for drinks. I invited my cousin cause I was nervous. She eventually left. So I was talking with him and he said he was with her child’s mother (who lives abroad) So I wondered to myself what was he doing out with me flirting. We danced flirted more but he didn’t initiate anything. Next time we hung out for a friends bday and hooked up. He continued to come over and text ever so often. I asked him after a couple of weeks were it was headed and he said his situation (child’s mother) hadn’t changed. So I backed off. We saw each other at another function and hooked up again. This continued for a while and even went on a double date with my bff. I then asked him if all this was was hooking up and his response was “no its more, we are everything except the title”. I left it alone and went with it. He then spent over $100 on a Christmas gift before he left to go home to visit his family and child. When he returned we were supposed to hang out for New Year’s Eve but he said because of his father illness he wasn’t up to celebrating. I asked if I should come over after and he said to call him. I called him extremely late and he said he wanted me to come over. I asked him in a round about way if he had had sex when he went back home and he said yes. Yet in the same breath was saying emotionally he was 100% with me. I don’t know if I should continue to see him, just walk away or ask him what the deal is?

[Ask April Masini]

You’re not confused — you’re disappointed. You know what the deal is because he’s been clear with you — you just haven’t been clear with ourself. He told you from day one that he was committed to the mother of his child even though she is in another country, and it sounds like they have a long distance relationship that is romantic. That said, he’s also dating you.

The big question is, are you okay with this? If you are, then you should enjoy yourself. But if you’re looking for a monogamous commitment, it’s always best to date a guy who isn’t involved with someone else from the get go. 😉 This guy is being very clear that he likes you a lot and he has feelings for you, but he’s also involved with his child’s mother. The ball is in your court. Focus on your personal goals and then see them through. You have to make decisions about your own dating life. You can’t wait for others to do it for you — it’s not their job. It’s yours. 🙂

[Ethan Morales]

you’re not confused you’re ignoring the reality you’ve been told. He’s made his situation clear from the start: he’s emotionally committed to the mother of his child and still maintains that connection, yet he’s also involved with you. That’s not ambiguity on his part, it’s clarity on his terms.

Recognize the pattern He’s giving you attention, gifts, and physical intimacy, but he’s also fully engaged elsewhere. He’s honest about it he even told you he had sex while away. That’s not misleading; that’s him being upfront.

Your choice matters The real question is whether you’re okay with being the “other person” in this setup. If you want monogamy and emotional exclusivity, this relationship will not meet your needs. If casual involvement works for you, then you can continue but only if you’re fully aware of the dynamics.

Don’t wait for change He’s not going to magically become monogamous with you while still emotionally attached to the mother of his child. Your feelings are valid, but the situation is not going to shift unless you decide what you need and act accordingly.

Focus on yourself Whether you stay or leave, prioritize your personal goals, emotional well-being, and boundaries. Being in limbo or hoping for him to “choose you” is emotionally exhausting and unfair to yourself.

He’s clear about his situation now you need to be clear about yours. You can either: Accept a non-exclusive, emotionally complicated relationship, or Step away and pursue someone who aligns with your expectations for commitment.

Your next step is honest self-reflection and decision-making, not waiting for him to make it easier. If you want, I can outline a way to confront this situation with yourself and him so you get clarity without dragging it out or hurting yourself unnecessarily.

[Isabella Jones]

Oh girl, I can feel how tangled this must feel for you. It’s like he’s giving you just enough to stay, but never enough to feel secure. When someone says you’re “everything except the title,” that’s their way of keeping the comfort of a relationship without the responsibility that comes with it. And honestly, that’s not fair to your heart.

I’ve been in a similar spot before — caught between affection and confusion with a guy who made me feel wanted but never actually claimed me. Every time I tried to walk away, he’d pull me back with sweet words and just enough effort to make me believe he cared. But the truth is, love shouldn’t leave you feeling second to anyone or anything.

If he can say he’s emotionally 100% with you while sleeping with someone else, that’s not emotional honesty, that’s emotional convenience. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you guess where you stand, someone who’s proud to call you his, not someone who hides behind a “situation.”

💛 Do you think deep down you’re hoping he’ll eventually choose you, or are you starting to see that maybe you deserve someone who already has?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… “emotionally 100% with you” while physically 100% with someone else?? please 😤. that man’s giving you part-time boyfriend, full-time excuse. if he really wanted you, he’d sort his “situation” out instead of juggling hearts across time zones. you’re not “everything but the title” stop asking him what the deal is cause you already know. walk away before you start calling mixed signals “connection.” you don’t need to audition for a man who’s still stuck in the prequel. 💔💅

[Marcus king]

You don’t need to guess what this is — he already showed you.

He told you he still has a situation with his child’s mother.
He went home and slept with her.
And he still wants intimacy and emotional closeness with you when he comes back.

What he’s doing is keeping two doors open at the same time but only walking through one when it benefits him.
He gets the comfort, the sex, the attention, the emotional support while still maintaining ties with the woman he has a history and child with.

That’s why he says things like “we’re everything except the title.”
That line sounds romantic, but what it actually means is:

“I get the boyfriend benefits without the boyfriend accountability.”

When someone says they’re “100% with you emotionally” but they are physically and romantically active elsewhere, that’s not emotional commitment that’s emotional convenience.

[Tara]

HE IS PLAYING YOU, and you’re letting him. Every time he tosses you a breadcrumb—some flirting, a gift, a half-assed line about being “emotionally 100% with you”you swallow it like it’s proof you’re special, when it’s just bait to keep you convenient. He has a woman back home he still sleeps with, a kid with her, and a life you’re not part of. You’re the local distraction he can hook up with whenever he’s bored, lonely, or wants a break from reality. And you know it, which is why you keep asking where this is going even though the answer has been the same since day one: nowhere. You’re not confused you’re just hoping he’ll magically choose you if you stick around long enough. He won’t. He’s already shown you exactly who he is and exactly what place you hold in his life. Stop asking him for clarity and start holding yourself to a higher standard. Cut him off completely, because the longer you stay, the more you become the woman who accepts crumbs and calls it connection. Walk away before you lose every shred of self-respect you have left.

[Sally]

He’s giving you just enough to keep you close, but never enough to make you feel secure. And when a man says he’s emotionally 100 percent with you and also tells you he slept with someone else in the same breath, that’s not honesty, that’s having it both ways.

The thing you need to hear is this: if he really wanted a real relationship, he would make his situation clear and choose you. Not this half in, half out thing where you are everything except the title. That line is how men keep you in place without giving you a real future.

You do not need to beg for clarity. Just ask him plainly what he wants, and watch what he does, not what he says. And if his actions still look like this, you can walk away knowing you were not crazy. You were just hoping he would show up the way you felt for him.

[Natalie Noah]

The truth is, he’s been very transparent about his situation from the start. he has an ongoing relationship with his child’s mother, and emotionally he’s trying to balance that with you. What you’re feeling disappointment, confusion, even hurt makes perfect sense, because deep down you’re craving exclusivity and clarity. That’s completely valid. The reality is, he’s giving you affection and attention, but he’s not in a position to fully commit to you in the way most people would expect in a monogamous relationship. He’s set a boundary for himself, and now it’s your turn to decide if that boundary works for you.

Your next step is all about self-reflection: are you genuinely okay with this arrangement, or are you hoping he’ll change? If you’re okay with it, enjoy the connection while keeping your expectations grounded have fun, but don’t compromise your emotional well-being. If monogamy and clear commitment are what you truly want, it’s best to step back and protect yourself, because staying in this “everything except the title” scenario will only create more hurt in the long run. Ultimately, this isn’t about him being right or wrong. it’s about what you’re willing to accept and what will honor your heart.

[Author]

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