[1963cb]

Work with a lady at a part time job, happens to be my manager. Became friends talked and after 3 months went out. Hit it off. Started to date became very close with her, her sons and granddaughter. Told me she was looking for a man who was willing to commit At 7 months in she tells me she loves me and that I’m everything she’s wanted and looked for in a man .She has been divorced twice from 2 bad marriages, myself only married once for a very long time. We got along great with very few arguments. I did everything for her, was there here for emotionally and physically and also helped her out with her house , boys and granddaughter. At about 14 months she started to change and found out she was talking to a old boyfriend. When I confronted her she didn’t deny it. Said she loves me but not in love. And said she needed a break. I was devastated. Had to still work with her which has been tough but I am still there for her as a friend. 6 months later she calls me out of the blue and wants to go out. We did and had a great time. In between then and now we have spent time together on occasions. I can still tell she feels the same but haven’t asked her what’s going on between us. What do I do? In between I did go out with 1 lady but she wasn’t interested in a commitment. Everyone tells me I’m a great nice guy with a great heart but don’t feel like it

[April Masini, your AskApril]

The basic issue here is that she was looking for a commitment on a time frame that’s different than yours. You didn’t meet her time frame, so she went looking elsewhere. You weren’t wrong and neither was she. This was just a difference in your personalities and your relationship goals. She’s more of a live wire who likes to live in the moment, while you want commitment and to hedge against heartache. She’s willing to risk heartache to try and find love and a particular commitment (marriage), and you’re less so. When you meet someone like this, you stumble on an opportunity to learn about yourself. 😉 Really decide if this person is someone you want to be involved with, given who she really is, and who you really are, and if she is, give it a try — but understand that she may or may not stick around beyond her time frame. Being smart about dating will keep you from being hurt.

[Member]

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