[lolo10]

I have been seeing the same guy on and off for almost 2 years now. We have been through some very difficult obstacles. I have trust issues because he has remained friends with his ex [who he cheated on with me 🙁 ], an infidelity on his part during a trial break in which we were taking personal time but said we would not be engaging in hurtful behavior with others, issues with communication, and problems with his sisters and mother being very disrespectful towards me.

I love him, I do. Unfortunately, after the “blo-up” that occured this past spring, we had called it quits. We saw each other a few weeks later and it was obvious that we still cared for each other. We decided that as two consenting adults we could continue our enjoyable sex life while remaining friends. Since then, we have spoken of a possible relationship in the future once we are both ready for it again (even though everyone thinks we are dating because of how we act with each other).

I am confused and at a crossroads right now because even though the thought of something in the future is a beautiful concept, I am not sure that I can look past the indiscretion along with the fact that he is still speaking to his ex and not being forthcoming about it. This all makes me very weary.

Please let me know you’re outsider opinion.

Thank you.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Unfortunately, you’re the one confusing yourself. 😮

If you take a trial separation, it should be understood that you will both have the option to date and have sex with other people. It’s unfair for you to put rules on a separation, like “not engaging in hurtful behavior with others” 🙄 and expect him to adhere to these very vague rules. If you’re separated, all’s fair. And when you’re not even clear enough to spell out, “but no sex with anyone during the separation” (which is not realistic, but at least clear), you can expect confusion and hurt to follow. And it did. 😳

Now you’ve agreed to a friends with benefits relationship, and you’re kidding yourself into thinking there’s a commitment. Of course he can talk to his ex-girlfriend. You’re not dating any more! He’s free to look around and see what else is out there for himself.

You’ve set up a situation for yourself that is guaranteed to make you weary, confused and unhappy.

My advice is to decide what you want in your life, and then plan to get it. You have to be honest with yourself first and foremost, and then you’re in a position to be honest and clear with everyone else around you.

I hope that helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

Posts