[bighealthy]

Hi, I’ve been dating this girl for about 2 years now, I’m 20 and she’s 19. Anyways, starting in a little over a month we are living together. We used to care so much about each other, and make each other so happy. We both thought this relationship would end in marriage. However, before me she dated this guy for 3 years, and has been friends with him ever since, never really giving him a break and he’s definitely not over her. I asked her why and she said it’s because she still cares about him, and they talk several times a week. Everything is friendly between them, at least on her part. He made sexual advances a while ago and drove 4 hours to our school to tell my girlfriend that he loved her. After that i was upset and asked her to not talk to him, and would get mad when she brought it up or talked to him at all. I don’t trust him, but i don’t want to control her and that how she’s viewing it because he’s really her only “friend” from back home. Well this summer she hasn’t had time for me, she says I’m needy and clingy and whatnot. I had been depressed about home life and my grandmother was passing and i needed support and she wasn’t there for me and she didn’t want to talk to me basically at all until my nana was in the hospital and she was supportive then. However, i knew she didn’t want to come to the funeral because of me and i asked her not to. She’s been lustful for other men as well. She says my low self confidence makes her lose attraction to me and i suppose i push her away a bit with the way that i act. I’m making an effort though to lose weight and change my behavior when i’m upset. It’s weird we went from getting to know each other to being a basically married couple, spending every minute together. Especially last summer, and at school i felt like we needed to hang out with her as much, but she didn’t want to and i didn’t listen. I wanted alot of sex and she no longer did, and I didn’t listen to that either. She says they have caused her to give up and she doesn’t think I’ll change, nor does she love me. We are on a break right now, and I messed up and called her and then talked to her in person about how i felt about the way she was treating me. I’m usually a pretty good boyfriend, i like to spend money on her, make her smile and laugh, and just generally make her happy. She’s given me her word she’ll try to work it out so we can live together because she can’t really afford to live elsewhere, but I want to make her fall in love with me again. She says she puts in effort that i don’t see or appreciate, and she’s been very patient with me. It seems to me like she was annoyed often, and I do appreciate her, i really do. I love having her in my life and love her company, but i just don’t know how to make it work with her.

[bighealthy]

She also turns to her family for advice before coming to me. It makes me feel alienated by her family and she put up these walls that its hard for me to jump over. If she won’t communicate with me and tell me how she really feels rather than just saying “this needs to happen” after already seeking advice from her family, then i don’t know how she expects me to fix things. A family is a biased thing and obviously will take her side on the issue no matter what and it makes her feel like she’s never wrong. I know it does because thats how she acts in this relationship. She does not act like she’s done things wrong to cause a downfall, but most of the issues are mine and i’m the reason that it is spiraling out of control.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you know what you have to do, but you’re having trouble doing it — because it’s difficult.

You have low self esteem and a weight issue and you’re jealous of her ex-boyfriend because he’s competition and you don’t like that she turns to her family for advice.

Low self-esteem is not attractive, 😳 and the way to boost it is to get out there and accomplish things that make you feel like you’re not entitled, but worthy of your accomplishments. 😀 If you need to lose weight, do it! 🙂 Go to the gym, start eating smart — you’ll feel a lot better physically and emotionally if you’re looking good and the endorphins you’ll get from working out will also be a psychological boost to you!

Doing these two things will help enormously. You’ll be more attractive — not just to her, but to lots of women!

Next you have to understand that competition is part of the world and if another man wants her attention and is willing to fight for her, instead of getting upset about it, you have to rise to the occasion and fight back by trying to win her over — not blaming her or feeling like a victim! 😉

It’s very normal for anyone to turn to their family — especially a teenager, which she is. Families usually want what’s best for their kids, and your job here, is to show them that you are good for their daughter. 😀

You have your work cut out for you, but I hope you have a couple of clear goals here.

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[bighealthy]

Well, I have been going to the gym since we’ve been on a break, and I’ve lost a decent amount of weight, look thinner and feel better, but she told me she’s gained feelings for him since he drove up there and I would get mad. I’m working on controlling my emotions, but I’m pretty sure she’s been seeing him a decent amount since we’ve been on the break. It’s frustrating because we talked about seeing other people and she said she didn’t want to limit herself as to what she can do with other people. But then when I talked to her later, she said she had feelings for him, but she wouldn’t do anything physically that would jeopardize our relationship. It seems to me like she’s contradicting herself and i’m not sure what to think of that. I like that she’s close with her family, but when she seeks advice from them about what to do rather than approach me about an issue and communicate then it makes it difficult to fix issues and they pile up here like they have. The ex-boyfriend has been an ongoing thing the whole relationship, and I’ve told her it makes me uncomfortable, but she never changes anything. I feel like she doesn’t respect my feelings very much, especially in that regard.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If your girlfriend doesn’t respect your feelings….. why continue to date her?

You have choices here. My advice is to find someone who does respect your feelings. 😉

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url][/b]

[Member]

Posts